


Leaves will soon grow from the bareness of trees (and all will be all right in time)

by hedakomskaikru



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/F, amnesia fic yo, and eventual fluff, rain before the rainbow friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:53:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23047312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedakomskaikru/pseuds/hedakomskaikru
Summary: Jester is hit by a curse that modifies her memories surrounding Beau. The Mighty Nein struggle to help them through the change, and maybe find a way to fix it.
Relationships: Jester Lavorre/Beauregard Lionett
Comments: 45
Kudos: 303





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Fic prompt by your-reference-here from tumblr. Pretty sure it was meant to be fluffy, so I promise to write a shorter fluffier one in series with this one.
> 
> Also kind of a modern AU? But with the magic because I like the magic part all right. And the adventures.
> 
> Title from the Ben&Ben song, Leaves check it out
> 
> (Also, as always, no beta, so sorry about mistakes!)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Might Nein figure out the extent of the curse.

"I should've taken that last spell, Fjord. I know I could have." 

Fjord shook his head. He was sitting upright beside a hunched Beau, his head tilted up, pressed to the wall behind them. His arms hung limp on his sides as he shifted his eyes from Jester, lying peacefully on the bed, towards her wife. 

Beau had her head framed with her hands, elbows on top of her knees. She couldn't do anything but stare at Jester, worry having had sunk deep into her bones the moment she'd seen her fall. 

It was only supposed to be one of those weekends where they'd meet up and do a job together. Oddly enough, it was Veth who suggested that they meet up on the semi-regular just to see how everyone was up to. And they had initially planned for the meet-ups to just be some chill time, spending time with each other in person instead of via their mobile devices. 

But they were the Might Nein. And two minutes into the first time they were set to meet up, Veth and Beau had already picked a fight with some locals--they won, of course--and got themselves a job. 

And so the Mighty Nein kept up with each other while they took on odd jobs every few months, on top of Beau's expositor duties, Jester's art exhibits (and high priestess duties on the side for the Traveller), Veth's time with her family, Caleb's studies with Essek, Fjord's voyages through the seas, and Caduceus's destiny as overseer of the Savalierwood. 

As it usually had been before they'd decided to establish roots, the jobs ranged from mundane to extremely dangerous. And their most recent exploit was more of the latter variety. 

They were tasked to find and destroy a pre-calamity artifact, known as the Aedifico, that was allegedly used as a tool to modify the memories of a large mass of people. It was said to have been on the sights of a power-hungry leader of one of the betrayer-gods who, from what they could gather, was planning to alter known history about how the calamity turned out, not by going back in time to change it, but by making people believe that it actually turned out differently. Their plan was to make the people of Exandria believe that the dominant god was the one they worshipped. 

The plan had originally been to find the artifact ahead of the cultist, and destroy it while avoiding them altogether. But the path was ridden with ancient traps and spells, and by the time they reached the Aedifico, it was already on the hands of the cultist, who turned out to be a powerful sorcerer. They had to be in order to be able to use the artifact at all. It didn't take them long to realize they were overpowered. 

Jester had done what Jester does best. 

A clutch banishment spell had given them enough time to heal two of their members to consciousness, and they each prepared their most powerful attacks. Beau had stunned the sorcerer, and that also gave them enough leeway to keep attacking. Everything almost depended on luck. If more than one of them missed, they could have surely started dying off one by one. 

And they were lucky. It didn't take long for them to force the sorcerer into desperate tactics. What they didn't count on was the self-destructive spell that the sorcerer had used at the end. 

Fully knowing they were going to die there at the hands of clumsy adventurers, they had started a short enchantment that drained their life, but placed a powerful curse on the member of the Might Nein who had changed the tide of the fight. 

Eyes ablaze, and divine energy already threatening to eat up their extremities, their mortal body unable to withstand the pure divine energy of the artifact unleashed, they had stared Jester in the eye, a snarl on their lips. 

Jester would later find out it meant, "You would be lost to the beings who hold you dearest." 

And now she was here, still unconscious after three days, and several healers had already been enlisted. It was a slow process. Apparently her mind had been frayed enough to cause a coma, but her body was unaffected. 

So she lay now, healthy, but asleep for an indeterminate time. 

"We didn't know what he was going to do. He was so close to dying." Fjord tilted his head to watch his friend's tense shoulders. "She'll wake up, Beau. She's strong." 

Beau laughed, empty, humorless. "Yeah. We woulda died if it wasn't for her." 

"Yeah, we would have." 

"And now here she is." 

Fjord sighed. He sat up, placed a comforting hand on Beau's shoulder, gave it a firm squeeze. "Then she'll be awake. We just gotta give her time to heal." 

Beau was silent for a while. Fjord had gone back to leaning back against the wall behind him. He was just starting to criticize the blank walls of the hospital room they were occupying, sure that Jester would have already started drawing on them if she was the one who was awake, when Beau answered. 

"Yeah." Fjord heard a crack on her voice, and felt a resonant crack inside his chest. 

  


* * *

  


"Nugget?" 

Beau inhaled sharply, having been sleeping poorly ever since Jester was cursed, so she roused easily. She sat up suddenly, almost falling off her chair as her eyes looked about frantically until she met sleepy purple ones. She smiled, relief overtaking everything else in her as she leaned forward. "Hey, Jessie." She reverently reached out a hand to run over Jester's hair, then she struggled with everything in her to pull back. "I- I'll get a healer. Hang on, ok?" 

"But _I'm_ a cleric." 

Beau felt the entirety of herself soften at Jester's familiar insistence of her class. "Yeah. But- Hang on. Just a minute. I'll be back, ok?" 

"Ok," Jester replied sleepily, and she sounded so tired despite having slept for six days now. 

Beau came back with an elven healer, clad in the customary white robes, hands steepled in front of her. 

"Jester." Her voice was smooth, and honestly, Beau thought the entirety of this healer was trained to soothe. "I am Healer Shea. I have been the one overseeing your health since you have arrived. How are you feeling?" 

Jester giggled. "Like I slept for too long." She looked around, blinking owlishly. "Why am I in a hospital?" 

"I will answer as much as I can." The healer turned towards Beau, and with kind eyes, asked, "If you don't mind. I would prefer to conduct my examination of Jester in private." 

It took everything, _everything_ , in Beau to agree, not wanting to be apart from Jester when she was already awake. But she found herself nodding, her need to make sure her wife was alright overtaking her own needs. "Yeah. Yeah, sure. I'll just…" Beau gestured behind her restlessly. 

Healer Shea smiled, and offered a tiny nod of acknowledgment. Beau tried to hold on to the comfort of Jester's smile as the door shut behind her. 

  


* * *

  


"What?" 

Beau was reeling. She stared at the sympathetic eyes of the healer, barely able to feel Caleb's hand on her back, offering support. The others were stood just behind her, but they may as well have been absent with how her attention has tunnelled on the healer in front of them. 

"It is as we suspected. The presence of the ancient artifact mixed with the malicious nature of the curse has produced an unusual effect on her mind." Healer Shea paused, giving them all time to process. "Her memories have been modified, yes, but to such an unpredictable way that it may be difficult to…" She gestured with her hands, palms up, and it was the first time any of them say her fumble with words. "She has some remembrance of events, and she knows the current date. But it seems her memories centered around you, Expositor Lavorre," she looked towards Beau, then, "Are muddled at best," She steepled her hands together again, "Absent at worst." 

"We just need to dispel the curse, right? Nothing to it. We might need to enlist the help of a few people." Caleb was already recalibrating his thoughts, unable to watch the broken look on Beau's face. The last time he'd seen her this lost was when they went to Kamordah. He'd told himself that if he could help it, he would eradicate whatever the cause of her pain was then. He would still do it now. 

"I'm afraid that it won't be that simple. The curse itself… it used an ancient artifact as a conduit, and from what information you have given us, it seems it is tied to a sacrifice of life. Curses like those… they can only be lifted by the caster." 

Caleb was already shaking his head. "Commonly, yes. But I've encountered otherwise. It is definitely possible to counter curses like this. It will just take time." 

Healer Shea seemed to still be doubtful but she nodded at Caleb, not wanting to argue with them so fresh from finding out what they had. 

"So we'll need to contact Yussa, maybe-" 

"Allura? She still owes us after we plucked that forgotten map from the desert." 

"Maybe Essek could ask the Bright Queen for some counsel-" 

"How is she?" 

Beau's voice was quiet, but it cut through the ramblings of her friends. She was tired, worn, and she'd hoped and hoped and hoped that Jester's waking would mean there was nothing else that had been done to her. She'd hoped like she had never before that Jester would be ok and- 

"She is healthy. Her physicality is as if you had never had an encounter in one of the deepest tombs to date." 

Beau nodded, pushing down the grief of the revelation, and she found it wasn't difficult to focus on the fact that Jester was alive, she was already conscious, and she was healthy. 

Honestly, that was a really good outcome. 

"She has not completely forgotten you, Expositor Lavorre. It seems even this powerful a curse had difficulty taking root on one particular individual in a mind with memories so interwoven with five others. It is possible that the curse actually was not definitively concluded. But this is speculation. What we know is that she remembers you, but from the short time I've asked about what she can recall, her memories seem to start becoming foggy after, um… a moment in a ship? She remembers speaking to you, Expositor, but she does not remember what about." 

"A… a ship?" 

"She recalls, I believe, a lightning elemental." 

"Oh." Beau swallowed, nodding jerkily. The first time Beau said that she loved Jester. Everything after was just a muddled mess in Jester's mind, Beau thought. "Did… did you correct anything at all? Did you tell her anything about any of us?" 

Healer Shea lifted her head a bit. "For my examination, I simply asked what she could recall. I thought to leave sharing facts about her life to those who know her best." 

Beau nodded, again, found herself leaning backwards towards Caleb's hand. Caleb adjusted so that his arm was wrapped firmly around Beau. It had taken a long while for them to be comfortable with small gestures of comfort between them. And because of how they had both shared so much trauma between the two of them, Beau and Caleb learned to lean heavily to each other whenever they were faced with something terrible. 

Like being forgotten by the person who loved Beau most, and she in turn loved with all of herself. 

"Cool. Cool, yeah. Thanks, uh…" 

"Thank you, Healer Shea," Caleb supplied. The healer bowed before letting them know that they had about an hour to wait before visiting hours would officially start. She seemed to direct the question towards Veth, who wasn’t even listening anymore, already eyeing the empty hallway that she knew would lead towards where Jester was. 

"Please do keep your voices down," the healer murmured as she seemed to float away. 

Fjord was the one who ushered them forward, not wanting the healer to change her mind. "Much obliged." 

Beau stopped them before they went it. "Listen." They all paused, looking expectantly at Beau. "I… I don't think- Don't tell her about… about us." 

Caleb frowned. "Beau…" 

"She'll be released in a few days. You won't be able to keep that lie up when you go home." Veth's eyes were flicking towards the door already, anxious to see her best friend. 

"Just give me time to… I don't, maybe I can rearrange the house before she comes back-" 

"Beau-" 

"Just not today." Beau sounded weak, like how she had sounded after the harrowing experience that was facing the hag. "Please." 

"But soon?" Caleb asked, giving her shoulder a squeeze. 

Beau nodded once, looking away. "Yeah. Yeah." 

"Ok, let's go!" 

Veth was already making her way inside. Caleb immediately followed, raising a hand to cast a spell that would keep all noise in, knowing how Veth and Jester were when they were together. Fjord made sure the Veth's excited exclamation didn't draw any attention before following them. Caduceus followed with a pat on Beau's shoulder. 

Yasha stood with Beau for a bit, as Beau gathered the courage to look at her wife in the eyes, and not see the familiar tender look Jester always seemed to direct at her. 

"She isn't lost to us, Beau." 

Beau looked up at Yasha, and knew that her barbarian friend would know most about being lost and being found again. Yasha was strong. And so was Jester. "Yeah. Yeah, she's still here." 

"She is," Yasha reassured. "And she would want to regain what was taken from her to be with you again. Jester is quite stubborn." 

Beau chuckled, raising a hand to wipe at her cheeks. "Fucking A." 

"And even now she's probably fighting to remember. And even if she doesn't…" 

Beau ducked down, feeling the horrible, excruciating pain of the possibility of being the only one who could remember all their shared moments together. 

"Even if she doesn't, you still have her. And I believe in destiny, I think. Molly's influence." 

"Yeah?" 

"She fell in love with you once. She definitely will again." 

Beau huffed out a breath, leaning sideways so she was pressing her temple on Yasha's sturdy shoulder. Her pressed her hands painfully over her eyes until she could see stars floating in her vision, held them there for a moment. Then she sucked in a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "Thanks, Yash." 

Yasha smiled. Then she waved Beau forward ahead of her to meet Jester, pre-wedding, pre-peak Mighty Nein chaos. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moments with the Nein.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of Beau but no Beau in this chapter. All Beau next chapter, though so.

"So do we all live together?" 

Jester was taking her losing a part of her memory in stride. She had seemed distant for a little while, cautious, then she seemed to snap herself back into her usual self. Or rather, it was more of a snapping herself into a version that she thought everyone would be comfortable with. Which was a bubbly, happy Jester. 

There have been some epic iterations of a Jester weaving lies, deceiving demi-gods and powerful witches to suit her needs, but Jester has always been the most proficient at adjusting herself to the needs of the people she loved around her. She operated best when she was putting others first, and she could hide most effectively behind smiles and jokes. 

"Nope!" Veth was happy to fill in the blanks, embellishing moments with a flair that definitely favored her. The rest of them were happy to let the two best friends talk. "We're retired but in denial. We went on that most recent quest because we go on quests to check up on each other. Nothing like near death experiences to bring us all closer together despite the distance." 

"Oh." Jester frowned. She didn't like the idea of them being separated already, but somehow, she _felt_ she already knew that. But while unclear, she knew the date and she knew it's been seven years since the Might Nein started going on adventures together, and knew the constant peril would have worn them down eventually. "So… who do I live with?" 

Jester watched them all kind of hesitate, and she tilted her head a little in thought. But she was Jester, and she put other's comfort ahead of hers when it mattered. And if they needed to walk on eggshells around her, then she would wait for them to settle. It really only lasted a few seconds, but the silence was palpable, until Beau broke it. 

"We're still roommates." Beau smiled while she said it, but Jester knew it was forced. 

"Oh, yay!" Jester tried her best to wiggle while still in bed. "Sleepovers!" 

"Yeah, we kinda made a thing of it." _A married thing. A signed-myself-up-for-eternity thing._

Jester was already moving on. "And you guys?" 

"With my family!" Veth volunteered. 

Jester seemed to falter at that. "Family?" 

For the first time, Veth actually seemed to deflate a bit. Jester had been the hardest one to let go of when they had separated, but while Jester had quite a chunk of Veth's heart, it was still very firmly with her family. But it was Jester who had hugged Veth tightly and encouraged her to do what would make her the most happy. Even if it meant seeing Veth for only a few weeks at a time every few months. At least, until Caleb had set up their circles. 

"Yeah. We found them that first year we all met up." 

"Oh." Jester looked down at her hands on her lap. "How… Are- are you far from where we stay?" 

"Separated by sea, and it's a few days of travel when you get to land," Veth confirmed, nodding a little bit. 

"And the others?" 

"I'm closest to you. But I'm at sea a lot," Fjord chimed in. 

"I also went home," Caduceus offered. 

"I’m with Essek-" 

"Essek?" 

"Ah." Jester smiled at the blush appearing on Caleb's cheeks. " _Ja_. Essek." 

"Oooh, who's this Essek, Caleb? Did you fall in love?" Despite having lost her memories, that same singsong quality of Jester's teasing voice was still there and it put everyone in the room at ease. They all tried to hide their smiles--except for Beau and Veth--while Caleb fumbled. 

And through all the blushing, Jester was able to pick up that Caleb was really happy. " _Ja. Mein Schätzchen._ " 

"Aww. That's so cute! I can't believe you found someone! Or like, I mean, not that you would have a problem, but… You're very surly, Caleb." 

Caleb actually laughed at that. "We are surly together." 

Jester nodded sagely. "I get it." 

"I don't get it," Caduceus intoned, and they all laughed. 

Her memories were a mess. Sometimes she felt things that wouldn't match with her memory of her friends, and sometimes she would remember specific details about them, but she couldn't remember when or how she found that out about them. And as someone who cherished all the friends she made after an entire childhood of not having them, Jester felt a little lost and a lot disappointed with herself. These people felt like her entire life. And now she's missing a rather large chunk of them. 

Jester promised herself that she would get that back. 

  


* * *

  


"You don't have to stay, you know?" Jester reassured Fjord, eyeing the half-orc as he puttered around the hospital room, picking up disposable utensils from their impromptu indoor picnic so they could have an early dinner with Jester before visiting hours ended. 

Fjord smiled, looking up towards the blue tiefling, and he wondered why something as terrible as the mind wipe had befallen someone like her. "It's not a problem. I hope it's not bother-" 

"Of course, it isn't!" 

"-but I hope you understand." Fjord stood up from his stooped position, and Jester could see now that his eyes were still worried. All of them shared the same look, to be honest. "We thought we'd lose you that day. Staying here with you… it's as much for you as it is for us." 

"I'm surprised Beau let you stay." 

Fjord blinked in surprise, but he hoped he hid it well as he stooped back down to walk around the bed and throw their trash by the door. "How do you mean?" 

Jester still remembered bits and pieces. They were all muddled in her mind, but she remembered certain things; like everything was a blur of events, and she didn't remember specifics, but she knew they were on a ship, that they went underground for a really long time once, that they fought something that couldn't be killed, that they saved people who had been petrified. It was frustrating to think about. 

But Jester ducked her own head down, and let what she remembered of Fjord wash over her. She remembered him as dependable. He always put others first. And he was the unintended leader in some of their pursuits. She could trust him. 

She let herself remember, and she inhaled deep, before- "Fjord, what's Beau to me?" 

Fjord congratulated himself at not jerking up at that. He slowly came up, and looked back at Jester with a neutral expression. He didn't necessarily agree with Beau's decision to not be upfront about this for now, but he also didn't know if telling Jester was the right thing. He did think, though, that if it was dubious on both choices, it was better to be honest and see how it goes. 

But he owed Beau a lot. He owed all of them a lot. And he respected her decision. "We're all friends, Jessie." 

"Fjord." 

He sighed, walking forward until he could perch himself beside her on the bed. Jester was the first of the Might Nein he had met, and she had been there for him at his lowest, with no expectations of him, armed only with earnestness. For that, he also owed Jester a lot. "I think you should ask her that." 

Jester seemed to study him intently before continuing. "I think… I didn't know I would ever pick favorites, Fjord. But I think Beau might be really important to me. A lot, _a lot_ important." 

It wasn't even a question. Jester seemed sure. "You remember something?" 

Jester shook her head. "The healer said something about the curse having a… having a focal point. And…" Jester's eyes went glassy. "I seem to remember Beau least." 

"Oh, Jessie." Fjord leaned forward, opening his arms, not wanting to crowd her, but also giving her the option to take comfort where she could. 

Jester didn't say that it wasn't just not remembering. It was also not understanding why she wanted Beau sitting next to her whenever the monk was in the room. It was feeling a loss whenever Beau reaches out to touch her, but hesitates. And there was the deep, deep longing of wanting Beau to be always close, but somehow Beau was giving her a wide berth, always around her periphery, but never close enough. 

So Jester met him halfway, but kept her arms loosely around her own abdomen, feeling as if she wanted a different set of arms wrapping around her, a different scent surrounding her. 

But she just couldn't remember. 

  


* * *

  


"Here." 

Jester lit up at the box of pastries Veth dropped in front of her. They were at the cafeteria, despite very explicit instructions from Caleb that they were not to leave the room without anyone in because healers did rounds. But Jester was very considerate. She left a note in there on her bed. 

_I'm going out._

"Thanks, Veth!" 

Veth just nodded, pushing the box closer to Jester. "You look thinner. Eat." 

Jester made a face at her. "Don't mom me," she whined. 

Veth grinned. They were all noticing that Jester seemed to recall small things that she normally said or did, like her body just knew what to do, but just she didn't remember. _Momming_ was a familiar Jester exclamation. "Eat, young lady!" 

Jester grumbled, but she was already on her second pastry. Before she could reach for a third, a plate with decidedly healthier food was being slid in front of her pushing the box sideways. "Hey!" 

Caleb plopped down beside Jester, an admonishing look on his face. "I specifically told you not to leave the room. And yet." 

"It's not Veth's fault!" 

"It totally was." 

"She was just trying to help me out." 

"That, too." 

"I was just so bored, Caleb! I've been here a week and there's technically, _technically_ nothing wrong with me anymore." 

"So I snuck her out." 

Jester huffed. "Veth. I am trying to get you out of trouble." 

Veth shrugged. "No need. I like trouble with you. And I don't regret pulling you out of that needle prison." 

Caleb sighed. "It is hardly that. And you are being dramatic." 

Jester laughed. "Caleb. You choose spells of your aesthetic over ones we could use in battle." 

Caleb blinked, and he leaned forward with a contemplative look on his face. It wasn't the reaction Jester was hoping for. "You remember that about me?" 

It gave her pause, but then she hesitantly nodded, the light atmosphere of their lunch slowly dissipating. "Yeah. I asked the healer about it. Because I wasn't surprised to see Veth in her halfling form, and that happened a lot later in time together. She said like, maybe it's the flaw of the spell because they didn't quite finish it?" 

Caleb paused, the way he did whenever he got deep in thought, which was often. So Jester went back to nibbling on her chosen pastry, and Veth simply stacked her arms on top of each other on the table waiting for Caleb to continue. It was only a few seconds, but then he was lifting a hand up, elbow settling on the table, and he made a tapping motion with his hand on the air. "That is interesting. Maybe I can use that. I have been consulting with Yussa. In so far as my studies have gone with several mentors now, he is still the most experienced. The most knowledgeable." 

Jester licked powdered sugar from her bottom lip. "You've been contacting him?" 

"I've been very vague, yes, to maintain your privacy-" 

"Oh! I don't mind. I don't like being a burden to everyone, so the sooner-" Caleb's hand landed on her free one, and Veth was already moving to stand on her chair. 

Caleb rolled his eyes. "Veth. Please." 

Veth was frowning, and once again not listening to Caleb, her small form now looming over both of them. "Now, listen here. You are not a burden to anyone. You would willingly go to the abyss for any of us, and we would definitely do the same for you." Some of the occupants of the other tables were starting to stare at them. 

Caleb was already extending his other hand up to help Veth to sit back down, but Veth ignored it in favor of plopping down so she was seated again. Caleb was visibly trying to muster patience, but he refocused on Jester. "Veth is not wrong, Jester. Helping you is something we all want to do." 

"But we don't even know if we'll be able to fix me." 

Veth made a face. "There is no 'fixing'," Veth lifted her hands to make quotes, "-you because there's nothing wrong _with_ you, per se. That curse just needs lifting because it's fucking annoying." 

Jester seemed to deflate. "But I can't remember shit! What if we can't…" 

"Then we'll have weekly Mighty Nein session of recall and we'll call them "Mighty Neinmnesia-" 

"Ugh." 

"Awful. Just awful." 

"Shut up! I don't hear better suggestions from either of you. And we'll have quizzes because why not, and-" 

Caleb interjected. "And we'll make new memories, for sure, because we have no shortage of adventures. We are all still alive and we are going to keep it that way. And this forgetting-" 

"Neinmnesia," Veth piped up again. 

Caleb sighed, exasperated, but forging on. "This forgetting, it is but a hitch. We have overcome a great many things. We will overcome this yet." 

Jester pursed her lips, baked goods temporarily forgotten, as she tried to fight off any more of the tears that were always just at bay now with how frustrated she was about her situation. And they always surfaced whenever she was reminded that this curse, while directed solely at her, was a curse on them all. The Might Nein felt as if it was something they shared, not just Jester's, and they would carry it with her whether she liked it or not. 

So she nodded, ducking her head down and letting a couple of tears fall. She felt Veth's head settle on her shoulder, loll forward so it was tucked between her shoulder and her chin. So she raised her arms, hands sticky with sugar, to wrap around Veth tightly. Veth grunted but didn't say much else, as she felt Caleb shift his chair so he could also wrap an arm around Jester's back. 

  


* * *

  


"It feels like a blessing sometimes, don't you think?" 

"How do you mean?" 

Caduceus stirred his tea absentmindedly while he looked out of window from their hospital lounge. Caleb had expended an unnecessary amount of magic to temporarily turn a storage closet into an entire lounge for the Nein while they waited for the go signal to send Jester home. Caduceus tilted his head up while looking outside the window, with the actual sky outside visible. "Ah. I mean given that this is temporary-" 

"How do you know that?" Yasha asked, empathic to Jester, unable to find it in herself to not be worried about her friend. 

He smiled serenely. "Everything is temporary." He was met with silence--because the Nein rarely had any response to Caduceus's world views that almost always sounded right anyway--so he continued. "This transient, ah, inconvenience will be gone after a while, and all we'll be left with is this time when we didn't exactly plan to spend together but we did." 

"There are definitely better ways to get us together." 

"But nothing more effective. Nothing that would have uprooted us from lives we have outside of this little treasure of a group that we still keep." Caduceus shook his head, ever calm. "I'm not saying it's a good thing, but." He tapped the rim of his cup once, set the teaspoon on the side of the saucer with nary a sound. "It's not all bad." 

"I doubt Jester thinks that." 

"I think I can think like that, though. A little." 

Caduceus and Yasha both look towards the door that still looked like the door to a storage closet, quite different from the ornate look of the lounge Caleb had conjured from thin air. Caduceus's smile widened in greeting. "Jester." 

"Hi, Caduceus. Yasha. Can I have some tea, too?" Jester shuffled inside, not used to her friends tiptoeing around her. So she was very appreciative of her firbolg friend, who seemed the only one who acted as if everything was normal. It wasn't, of course. But Jester wanted a sense of certainty, and he was the only one who seemed settled out of everyone. 

"Certainly. Sit with us, please." Caduceus indicated towards a chair as he stood, going towards the side to prepare another cup. 

"I'd like to think something good came of this," Jester reiterated, watching Caduceus's back, then looking towards Yasha. "Everyone seems so somber. And usually everyone's a little happier, brighter than this." 

Yasha smiled sadly at her, and Jester wished it was happier. "Just a rough few days. We're all a little weaker after a rough fight, right?" 

Jester hummed. Then forced herself to perk up. "I send my mom a message finally!" 

"Hey! That's great. You finally got the go signal to use spells?" 

Jester faltered, and narrowed her eyes a little. "Technically." 

Caduceus settled back down on his seat, placed Jester's cup of tea in front of her. "Technically how, Miss Jester?" 

"Ok so I know they said not to use magic yet because it might have some interference with the curse, like maybe actually fuel it because it mixes with magic. And the curse is like volatile, right? That's why the memories I remember seemed to have been picked at random. But it's been more than a week and nothing's happened, yet. I'm not in a coma. I'm awake and fine. So I used one teeny, tiny sending spell." 

"Jester-" 

"But then! Then, the healer came into my room with the good news that the curse was most likely stable despite being incomplete and that I can use spells now. See? All good." 

Caduceus blinked. Yasha opened her mouth as if to say something but nothing came out. 

Jester busied herself with pouring honey on her tea, a Jester amount so it was almost a third honey, and she started stirring. "So everything's well now. And Healer Shea also said that I can go home now and just come back for checkups while they try to research a way to fix my brain." 

Yasha still didn't know how to react to that. But Caduceus was already moving on. "And what did you say to your mom?" 

Jester brightened. "That I'm fine! That I'm sorry I couldn’t message sooner because the trip ended up being really dangerous and we almost died. But I send a second one to reassure her because I keep forgetting she worries about me more than anyone because she can't see me. And then I sent a third one to tell her I love her and that I'm coming home soon and that she should definitely prepare my favorites because the hospital food is terrible. Caduceus. It's terrible." 

Caduceus smiled nodding. "It is. But Veth brought you pastries, right?" 

"The best thing I've eaten since my stay." 

"Cad always cooks for us here in this lounge. I thought you were getting his cooking." Yasha finally found her voice, already slipping back into her usual self at hearing Jester talk like she usually does. 

Jester gasped exaggeratedly, and Yasha hid a smiled behind her hand as Jester turned to Caduceus. "You kept good food from me?" 

Caduceus's facial expression didn't even change the slightest. "I didn't know if hospitals frowned upon outside food. Some restaurants do." 

Jester didn't even try to hide her look of befudlement. "Cad, hospitals don't have a corkage." 

"What is that?" 

Jester sighed long and loud. "Please let me have good food on my last day in this hospital please and thank you." 

Caduceus turned to Yasha. "Can I do that?" 

Yasha laughed. "You can definitely do that if you want to." 

"You should have said so." 

"I'm saying it now." 

Caduceus hummed. "What would you like?" 

Jester gasped again, more dramatically than she did the first time. "I get to pick? You'll let me pick?" 

Yasha laughed again, raising a hand to actually pat Jester's head and instead of being irritated, Jester grinned at her then at Caduceus who was already standing up to go to the small kitchenette. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta. Please be patient. I edit as I go.

Jester had kinda seen Beau working up to something. Or it wasn't anything she was seeing, necessarily, but that thing she didn't remember, that _feeling_ inside of her that seemed to soften whenever Beau came up seemed to pick up on something. 

It wasn't anything concrete, either. Jester wasn't sure why she was picking up on anything. But sometimes she saw Beau go quiet while they were sat together, a little bit apart from others, or just the two of them, the few times it had been Beau's turn to stay the night with her, and she seemed to tense. Jester would see her throat bob, her eyes dart, her fingers, fidget, and Beau would take a quick inhale, readying herself. 

And Beau seemed to let the smallest things interrupt them. Jester felt like she was more frustrated about that than Beau was. 

So in the last few hours before she was about to be sent home, Beau hovering worriedly around her, not necessarily for her, Jester had pulled her to sit at the thin but long couch by the window of her hospital room. The others were apparently meeting them wherever they lived, because that was also something Beau hadn't been able to get around to telling Jester, yet. 

"Beau." 

Beau hummed, checking Jester's things for maybe the fourth time, her usual restless energy tripled by something. 

"Beau. Come sit with me." 

Beau was on her way to the bathroom to check if they left any towels for the third time, but she paused seeming to take a breath as she did. She looked back at Jester, and realized that maybe whatever it was that she was still keeping from Jester, and Jester had maybe the tiniest idea, was something she couldn't get around anymore. 

So Beau slowly made her way towards where Jester was, and placed a comfortable distance between them before settling down. 

Jester tried again, now that Beau was done with her impression of a hurricane. "You’ve been trying to tell me something for a while now. And I can only guess it has something to do with, well, us, because for some reason, it's the only relationship that you guys haven't really spoken to me about. I'm guessing you asked them not to say anything." 

"Jester-" 

"It's ok!" Jester reassured. "It's… I know it's been tough. Nott's usually so candid about everything but she's been really careful around me the past few days. I can see all their faces when I remind them that I've forgotten something." 

Beau's hand, as if it were used to just reaching out towards Jester, even if Jester's last memory of Beau was someone who wasn't very affectionate, was already reaching for hers, but stopped a few inches in the air. 

Like she always did the past week. 

Jester did them both a favor by catching it in her own, then giving it a small squeeze. They both seemed to relax at the contact; with Beau finally able to touch Jester again, without worrying about boundaries because Jester took her hand, and Jester… Jester felt like maybe their hands touching had settled something inside of her. 

"It wasn't your fault," Beau said, squeezing back. 

Jester shook her head, smiling humorlessly. "Yeah, no. I know. Technically. But right now I'm kind of the source of everyone's disappointment, and- and frustration. Not me directly! It's just a little bit hard to separate _from_ me because it always happens around me." 

Beau frowned. "We'll-" 

Then there was a knock on the door, and it was slowly being opened after a soft 'come in' from Jester. Beau didn't know if she should have taken her hand back, but if Jester was comfortable with it, Beau wasn't going to complain. 

Healer Shea appeared, perpetual calming aura kind of surrounding her. "Mrs. Lavorre. Expositor Lavorre." 

Jester felt herself stiffen at the title and her family name that wasn't directed at her. She felt Beau's hand go slack, probably giving her the option to pull back, but when Beau moved to stand to greet the healer, Jester simply followed, clutching on as if it were a lifeline, her other hand actually finding purchase on Beau's forearm. 

As if she's done this many times before. And judging from the information she was just given, she probably has. 

"Healer Shea. We were just about to leave. I didn't know if we'd be able to see you. I was told you'd be busy this morning." 

"Ah. Not very. I wanted to check on Mrs. Lavorre a final time, before you go." 

"I'm definitely ok, and definitely can't wait to go back home." Jester was surprised she was able to get that out. 

Healer Shea laughed, but gestured with one hand. "Then I will be quick." 

Jester nodded, and she waved a hand over Jester, making her feel the now familiar sensation of a medical check, cool but not uncomfortable spreading from her skin to her core, then slowly retracting. 

Jester was cleared and was scheduled for a follow-up after two weeks, which was the soonest they could get a well-known cursebreaker to collaborate with the hospital they were in. The healer offered her hand to both of them then departed. 

Jester released a shaky breath when they were alone again, and she pulled Beau backwards to sit back down. "Ok. I might need a minute." 

"Jester…" 

"I definitely had suspicions. Because even if you were really good at lying, I'm really smart, Beau." 

"So smart." 

"Really smart. And Fjord said-" 

"Wait, Fjord told you something?" 

"He said to ask you. So that means there's something to ask about. And you've been really great, Beau." Jester finally looked up, found soft, worried blue eyes. She gave Beau's hand a squeeze, a small smile gracing her lips. "Really great. Really respectful. The only time you slipped was the first time we hugged and you held on for longer than anyone did and I don't really remember you being all that affectionate before." 

Beau flushed, obviously having thought she'd hidden her feelings successfully. "Oh. Oh, I'm sorry, Jessie-" 

"Don't be!" Jester shifted in her seat so she was facing Beau, both hands now clasping one of Beau's. "Don't. Because I think maybe I would have held on as long. And you're all a little warmer than me, but I thought- when we hugged- I thought it was the warmest I've been since- since ever." Jester felt her cheeks heat up, could imagine the purplish hue they would appear. "But then I thought maybe I just forgot all the other times…" 

Jester shook her head, not ready to sink into the darkness that was being constantly aware that a part of her past wasn't in her memories. "And you kept such a respectable distance after that, Beau. Like you were afraid of holding on too tight? Like maybe you wanted…" She shook her head again, embarrassed. "So I thought, maybe we're girlfriends, you know?" 

"Oh." 

"Yeah! So, I think I know why you'd kept your distance. I remember you being a lot, um, _flirty_ -" Beau smiled lopsidedly at that. "But definitely, _definitely_ respectful and all about consent. But I didn't think we'd be…" Jester looked down at their hands, realized that hers were playing with Beau's fingers, and for the first time, noticed the slightly lighter shade of blue on her ring finger, the slightly less tanned strip of skin on Beau's. 

There was a long pause, when Jester tried to absorb what she'd just found out, and Beau thought about all the wrong ways Jester could take this. 

Beau pulled away completely when the silence dragged on too long, Jester's familiar cool skin drifting away from hers. And she stood, paced away from Jester, then back again sinking to her knees, hands settling on her knees, settled into a position where she was looking up at Jester, evidently to seem less threatening. But she kept a rather large berth between them. "I have no expectations from this relationship right now, Jessie." 

Jester's eyebrows furrowed. 

"I've- I've already moved some of my things from our-" Beau seemed to choke on nothing just thinking about their shared space, holding memories significant to, currently, only one of them. "-Our room at home. We have a guest room, I can stay there." 

"Beau." 

"And I can keep my distance, I can. I respect you too much-" 

"Beau-" 

" _too much_ to do anything beyond what we are right now which is-" 

"Wives." 

"Friends. What?" 

Jester shrugged, allowing Beau the space, because at the moment, it seemed she needed it more than Jester. And Jester couldn’t remember how they were as a couple, but she wanted to think she was a considerate lover. 

_Wait. Lover?_

Jester hoped Beau couldn't pick up on the blush that was rising in her cheeks at the thought as she responded. "I can understand holding back, but honestly, I can't kick you out of our room. If you're not sleeping there, then neither am I." 

"What- Jester." 

"And we've cuddled before. The room was a lot uncomfortable and we were pressed up pretty tight in Shadycreek Run and we were fine." 

Beau sighed, hands gripping her knees. "But lying together will mean differently for both of us. It'll honestly feel like I might be taking advantage of whatever you're giving me." 

Jester made a face that clearly indicated that there was no part of her that even believed Beau was capable of taking advantage of her. "Well, let's go. I don't remember our house at all, and I wanna see it before we go visit my mama." 

Beau's smile this time was without a trace of the of the melancholy of the past few days. "Oh. Well, she's only a few minutes away by foot." 

Jester's eyes widened. "Mama lives near us?" 

Beau laughed. "We live near her, actually. Did a job a while back that got rid of that grumpy butt." 

"We did?!" 

Beau hummed in agreement. "He got another round of embarrassment, the political kind, before he bolted. Turned out to be a smuggler." 

Jester looked both delighted at the turn of events and disappointed that she couldn't remember. "Well then, come on! I want to see our home, and our room that we will both definitely sleep in-" 

"Jester." 

"-and I wanna see my mama because I wanna hug her tight, and I wanna tell her about the mess that is my brain at the moment, and have her tell me everything's going to be ok anyway." 

Beau melted, felt herself slip into a version of herself she was sure Jester wouldn't remember. "Baby." They both reacted to the endearment, uttered with so much softness, but it seemed they were both adamant at ignoring the slip. Beau shifted so she was sat beside Jester, arm around the tiefling, and like some sort of motor memory, Jester snuggled against her. "Everything _is_ gonna be ok. It's just gonna take a bit of time because some asshole cultist had some self destructive spell." 

Jester sighed. "Yeah." 

And they let that rest, both grabbing the few bags that have collected in there in the roughly two weeks they've been in the hospital. They went to the part of the hospital that had a teleportation circle, private access to Yussa's tower requested for this specific travel, and just before they disappeared, Beau plucked up whatever courage she had, feeling almost like it was early days in their relationship again, and she held out her hand. 

She received a beaming smile in response, Jester intertwining their fingers as the air turned into a vaccum, the first sign of the teleportation taking effect. 

  


* * *

  


Caduceus was holding the fort in their home. The Mighty Nein were already there when they arrived, their dining table for four crammed with five people and two more empty chairs. It was filled to the brim with Jester's favorite food, mostly pastries, and some of them were already open. Caleb was nibbling on one while his other hand had a book propped against his knee. Veth was leaning back against Caleb shoulder, trying to grill Yasha about Calliope. Yasha was uncharacteristically a little pink. Caduceus wasn't in his seat, but Beau figured the seat beside Yasha's was his because the table in front of him was the cleanest. Yasha's had napkins folded forming at least 3 cranes. Fjord was turned so he could talk to Caduceus who was stirring something in a pot. 

Jester bounded towards the empty seat beside Veth, the halfling returning the tight hug she received while expertly avoiding the tiefling's horns. Beau smiled as she approached at a slower pace, bypassing the table to approach her firbolg friend. 

"You didn't have to cook." Beau eyed the apron he had on, a gift from Jester as thanks for always feeding the Nein. Jester had had to have it especially made since none of the regular ones covered lower than Caduceus's waist. "We could've ordered." 

"Don't I cook?" 

Beau blinked at Jester's question, while Nott sniggered. "Sure." Beau's voice was a little higher than usual. 

"You're awful," Veth added. 

Jester frowned at both of them. "I can't be that bad." 

"We're learning," Beau reassured. "We kinda realized the first few weeks we were here that we relied on Caduceus _a lot_ on our food. None of us can cook." 

"Except me. I'm a mom." 

Beau rolled her eyes. "Shut the fuck up." 

Fjord was already laughing. "Yeza prepares all your food." 

"Am I getting better?" Jester broke through the laughter. 

"The better question is do you know you're wives now," Veth interjected before anyone could. 

"Veth!" 

"What a little-" 

Yasha shook her head. "She does now if she didn't." 

"I already know, guys!" Jester reassured. "Beau was really respectful about it. Offered to sleep in the guest bedroom." 

"A lie. A complete act. She's horny for you always." 

Jester stared at Nott. "Am I not hornier?" 

The room went quiet. 

It was kinda known that she was. Beau was a casual affection kind of person. When they got together, Beau was the one who let it slip before they could tell the rest. She'd went down for breakfast that day, the rest of the Nein already halfway through in that inn they were staying. She'd called out to Caleb that they were going to the library early, and Caleb had complied eagerly, getting up. They said their goodbyes, some tentative plans for later that day. 

But before leaving, Beau had passed by Jester's chair, pressed an innocent kiss on her head, hand brushing the tiefling's shoulder. _Bye, babe,_ she'd murmured, and Jester had smiled the entire time it took for Beau to walk out of the inn, all the way to Beau's parting wink. 

Jester, on the other hand, was the one who let it slip that they were intimate. New to intimacy with Beau, and to intimacy in general, she learned at that time that adrenaline during battle sometimes bled through outside of it. Both of them had taken awful hits during a big one just a couple of weeks after their first time. Beau had gone unconscious twice. Jester had maxed her spells on the way back healing Beau, despite the monk's reassurances that she'd be fine. 

And Jester had been jittery and distracted all the way back. Beau had taken to holding one of her hands to settle her. Jester was still her clever self, offering suggestions offhandedly while they discussed closing the mission and walked back. 

The moment they stepped through the rundown place they were staying, she'd grabbed the hem of Beau's shirt and almost dragged her up. Beau of course let her. 

_"We're going to bed!"_

_"But we still need to-"_

_"We'll do it tomorrow!_

It happened a few more times after that before the rest of them clued in to why the couple almost always seemed to rush up. 

It was always Jester leading the way. 

Jester's cheeks had colored at the silence. "Wow. _Beau_." 

"What?" 

"You should be defending my honor." 

Beau shrugged and in her honest, earnest voice said, "I like it about you." 

Veth was nodding slowly now. "That was almost sweet, Beau. If it weren't about you guys doing the dirty." 

Fjord did his best to divert the conversation after that, uncomfortable at knowing anything about the sex life of his first friend of the Nein and his de facto first mate. 

Later, when the rest have left, Jester actually asked about it again. 

"You like me when I'm horny?" Jester egged, eyebrows waggling. 

Beau laughed, blushing because they'd had this conversation before. "You're a little shit." 

"It's a yes or no question, Beau." 

Beau laughed again, shrugging. "I, uh. I actually meant I liked that you sought me out after a stressful fight, or just a bad day in general. Sometimes we didn't actually get to the- uh-" 

"The sex," Jester singsonged, but her smile had turned a lot more genuine at the turn of the conversation. 

"Yes, thank you, Jester. The sex." Beau's tanned cheeks were starting to darken with a blush, but she pushed through. "We didn't get to it sometimes. Sometimes, you'd pull us to whichever room we shared and we'd… we'd just end up cuddling." 

And some of their more significant talks happened then. About Jester reminding Beau to _Please don't throw yourself in front of danger all the time to protect us. I know you take it hard whenever someone else goes down instead of you, but we can take a few hits, too._ About Beau reminding Jester how strong she is, whenever Jester feels like she didn't do enough as a team healer. _You're brilliant, Jester. You're so smart, and you're so strong. We're all still here today because you always keep your wits about you and choose us always._

But the Nein assumed every time they disappeared it was to have sex. The couple kind of just let them think that. 

Jester softened at the tender look in Beau's eyes, almost without the pain of the fact that Jester couldn't remember any of that. When Beau looked back at her, Jester fixed a doubtful look on her face, nose scrunched. "We sound boring." 

Beau feigned being affronted. "We have lotsa sex, all right. We just sometimes like to cuddle, too." 

"Am I good?" 

"Jesus." 

  


* * *

  


"So how'd you sleep?" 

"On the floor." 

Veth made a face, eyeing her best friend. Jester didn't look tired. In fact, she looked pretty well rested for someone who spent the night on the floor. "Why the fuck did you do that? That king size bed was your only must-have when you were moving in." 

"Beau refused to sleep on the bed with me!" 

Veth made a look of understanding. "Because you would take advantage of her." 

Jester stopped short. "Veth!" 

"'M just kidding. It's probably that part of her that's overprotective of you. It hasn’t been this bad since that time you died." 

Jester was about to resume walking again to bridge the distance between the others who were walking ahead of them towards the Lavish Chateau to see Marion. But she stopped short, eyes widening, and jaw dropping a little bit. "What?" 

"Oh." Veth made a face. "Is that one of the things you don't really need to know about? I mean you'll remember again eventually." 

"I died?" 

They maintained the distance from the others, and Veth had to wave at Caleb to just keep walking ahead of them, motioning that they were fine. "Yeah. A couple of years back. You and Caduceus rarely fall in battle as it is. We keep you clerics pretty well-protected." 

Veth actually sobered up, voice going uncharacteristically quiet. Jester had to lean in to hear. "But it was a bad time. We were running low on everything because the trip had taken longer than expected, and we've been away from anywhere with good supplies for a couple of months. We'd used both diamonds already." Veth tilted her head. "I think maybe it was a year after the war, and the borders were still pretty hostile. 

"It was a string of bad luck. We were just looking for a quiet place for Caleb to start his teleportation circle. We were so relieved to have finished the mission. Our guard was down." Veth lifted a hand to scratch at a scar just above her eyebrow, probably something she got from that particular fight. "We were ambushed." 

Veth fidgeted, lifting a hand to press at her lower lip. "It took two days to get you back, Jessie. Beau's never been so desolate. All of us were, of course, but... Beau was different." 

"She was actually afraid to touch you for a while. You had a really big fight right in front of us, and we definitely found out too much about your sex life. But we've established how horny you are," Veth added, trying for levity. "You're definitely the type to start a fight about not having enough sex." 

"What are you guys talking about all the way there at the back?" 

"Just about Jester being horny, Beau!" 

"What the fuck." 

Jester laughed, but her eyes were a little duller than when they started that early morning walk, and Veth felt like she shouldn't have brought up such a dark memory when Jester didn't really need to know about it. 

"We've been through a lot," Jester murmured, something in her voice making Veth look at her closely. 

"We have," the halfling quietly answered, reaching an arm out to loop through Jester's giving her arm a squeeze. 

Jester's smile dropped some more. "I actually almost feel like I don't deserve to be around you guys while I don't _know_ things, you know?" 

Veth rolled her eyes then. "That's fucked up. What you don't deserve is this curse, and we're definitely breaking it. You broke mine with a cupcake. Getting you through this won't even be enough to even out how much I owe you." 

"I remember that." 

Veth grinned, eyes bright. "Of course, you do. Of course you remember your moments of glory, but you don't remember I have a child." 

"You don't seem like the mom type!" 

"I am a MILF, Jester Lavorre." 

Jester's laughter rang through the street, and she met Beau's eyes as she did. She gave a small wave, which Beau returned, blushing slightly. 

Jester wondered if this is how Beau was so many years into their relationship, still blushing prettily at such a small gesture. 

"What a disaster lesbian." Evidently, Veth saw the exchange. 

Jester bumped her hips with Veth's, which given the height difference was actually pretty awkward looking. "That's my _wife_." 

Veth looked like she was about to tease Jester about that, but she seemed to visibly mellow out. "Yeah," she agreed, open affection in her face as she looked at Beau then looked back at Jester. 

  


* * *

  


"My little sapphire." 

"I didn't want you to worry, mama." 

But Marion was worried. Jester had tears running down her cheeks, frustration and disappointment in herself clear, the mask of a smile she was so used to donning completely coming off in the face of the one person who had loved her from the very start and through all odds. They've been separated for far too long and Marion's love for her daughter had never waned. 

Marion sighed, her own chest feeling heavy and hurting at the sight of a crying Jester. She opened her arms, braced herself against the armful of Jester who was so many times stronger than her, but damn it Marion wouldn't hold her just as tightly. "My sapphire," Marion murmured again, ready to take on Jester's hurt if she could. "It is already a part of me to worry. It is worse for me to feel like I have not been there for you." 

Jester was already shaking her head, face pressed against Marion's shoulder so her voice was muffled. "Everyone else was there. And it was such a sterile place, mama. Beau let me paint one of the walls before we left. I definitely would have felt better if you were there, but I don't like the idea of you in a place that white and boring." 

Jester shifted so her temple was pressed towards Marion, and her words weren't as muffled anymore. "And then I found out… I’m married to Beau, mama." 

Marion was rubbing up and down her back, trying to calm her down, but then her hand slowed. _Always so good at deflection_ , Marion thought sadly. _Always putting others first._ Jester never wanted her to feel worried, so she chose to change topics, and Marion was an expert at keeping pace with her daughter. "Yes, you are, Jester. How did you take it?" 

"She kept it from me." 

Marion hummed. "And how did you take that?" 

"Well, I think. Unexpected. I admit I'm drawn to her, but I didn't know I was _that_ drawn to her. Did she propose?" 

"You did. She asked for your hand-" 

"Oh. How'd she do that? You and I are almost always together." 

"I believe she said she'd look for a bookstore, and you never accompany her on those runs. She was very nervous, the opposite of how she always is. But she was always the gentlewoman when it comes to you. I wager she offered to sleep somewhere else?" 

Jester pulled back abruptly. "She did! Oh, I wouldn't've minded. We cuddled before." 

"But she insisted?" 

"I said I'll sleep on the floor whether or not she slept in our room or not. She scowled the entire time we were setting up at the foot of our bed, but I woke up to us cuddling, anyway. She's always so warm…" 

Marion smiled, recognizing the same look on Jester's face that she would see before the memory-wipe. "You remember her." 

"My- I think my mind does, the feelings, at least. Oh…" Jester's eyes once again fill. "We haven't talked about it. I… It makes her sad, and seeing her sad makes me feel heavy. Oh, mama. I don't remember falling in love, but I don’t think the curse included making me forget how I feel about her." 

Jester pulled back, but Marion kept one of her arms wrapped behind Jester still, seated close on the outdoor chaise. "Because I only remember, oh that stupid crush on Fjord. I woke up and I saw him and remember that cute crush I had, but then I looked at her, really looked at her and I felt-" 

Jester's lip wobbled and she was once again wrapped in her mother's arms. "Oh, my Jester." Marion rubbed comforting circles on Jester's back again, pressed a kiss to her temple. "It's ok." 

"It doesn't feel ok," Jester cried. 

Marion gave her a moment, letting the confusion of forgetting Beau, but also remembering how she apparently felt before the curse wash over her, and then slowly recognize what she was feeling. Marion thought she'd cry, too, if she was confronted with so much uncertainty. 

When Jester finally quieted down again, feeling lost but definitely comforted by the presence of her mother, Marion tried again. "But it isn't a bad feeling, is it my sapphire?" 

Jester sniffled. "No. No, not really." Jester pulled back again, rubbing at her eyes, and Marion made a tutting sound as she pulled at them to stop. Jester felt herself smile at the familiar quiet chastising. "I wasn't prepared for it. Oh, mama. I felt so _happy_. Just seeing her." 

"My little Jester." 

"And I don't know why that scared me," Jester whispered, voice still a little thick from crying. "It just feels so _big_ , mama. So different. I think I'd always hope to feel it and-" 

Jester looked up at Marion, and Marion heart clenched at that look. "And you thought of how I had it, but never kept it." 

They've had this conversation before, and Jester was in tears that time, too. So terrified of loving someone so much that it could break her the same way Marion's heart was broken. She'd waited a long time for a love she didn't know if she was prepared for, and when she'd seen it in Beau's eyes, as bright as the sunrises in Nicodranas, Jester had insisted they come home so she could speak to her mom. 

Jester had described it to Marion as something that hadn't even been as exciting as all the adventures the Nein have had, and Jester had had an inkling before. A tiny feeling that made Jester feel warm even when they'd just traversed underground, through dark and dank tunnels. They'd decided to split off after to restock on healing potions before they took on another mission again. Jester had pulled at Beau, and the monk had happily followed her around that day. She'd caught Beau smiling at her at the end of the day, the sunset dim in that small town they were visiting, the place not at all like the clean streets of the bigger cities. And they were both still bruised and battered from the fight the night prior. Jester was sure she'd had a nasty bruise on her left eye. 

But Beau had looked at her like she did when they had been in the shores of her hometown. 

_"You look happy," Jester voiced her observation._

Beau had shrugged, slipping hands into the pockets of her pants, shoulders relaxed, weaving through the crowds expertly while following Jester through them. They'd slowed down by then, Jester looking curiously at her monk friend, not knowing why her heart had just started beating harder. 

_"Just glad you're here."_

_Here with me,_ Beau had seemed to say, eyes soft, definitely not a look Beau usually has. She was only ever like that around Jester. 

_Oh._

"I don't remember how love feels like, mama," Jester hiccupped, eyes still not entirely dry. "And the only feeling I recognize is fear. So that's the only thing I can think about right now. Am I even making any sense?" 

"Oh, darling," Marion murmured, cupping her cheeks. "We feel what we feel. There is no right or wrong about that." 

"But it's a mess!" 

"I'm sure. But it's always a little clearer somehow when you're around her, yes?" 

"I don't know about that," Jester muttered, frustrated. 

"Then what do you know?" 

Jester quieted, contemplating the question. And she sighed, because only her mother could force her to think about things she didn't want to think about, but really needed to confront. And in the most non-demanding way that she never felt pressured. 

"That I feel safest with her. That I was groggy and a little lost about being in that hospital when I woke up, but I immediately felt settled when I saw her. That I don't remember anything of our relationship, but if she'll let me I'd- Oh." Jester leaned sideward, careful not to poke her mother with her horns as she rested her head on Marion's shoulder. "I'd like to try again. If she'd let me. If I don't get my memories back again, I- I want to make new memories. And continue feeling… I don't know what I'm feeling," Jester huffed. "But I'd really wanna find out." 

Marion smiled, unseen by her daughter, as she rested her own head on top of Jester's. "Well, then. You best get back to her. And tell her she can call me 'mom' again. Hearing Ms. Lavorre after six months threw me off a little bit, my sapphire. That monk has been a daughter to me for longer." 

Jester shot up at that, surprise evident in her face. Then she was filled by warmth at the idea of her mother and wife--Oh. _Wife._ \--so close that Beau was already calling her mom. 

Marion was once again surrounded by her very strong daugher, now even tighter. "Thanks, mama. I love you." 

"I love you, too, Jester." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if I communicated it well, but the curse selective cut out Jester's sensory memories, but not the feelings attached to them, so she remembers feeling something for Beau she doesn't remember how it got there. If that makes sense.
> 
> Leave me a comment!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jester and Beau talk about what ifs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would be updating faster if I were on quarantine, but I'm not. I'm actually a frontliner oof. ER physician and I'm just hoping I don't get the virus y'all. Anyway it's taking me a while to update because my duties have increased since we've had some doctors getting quarantined from exposure. The lack of sleep is kind of messing with my creativity, so I'm hoping this isn't completely bad.

They were scheduled to meet up with Healer Shea two weeks after discharge because there was a famed cursebreaker who was still out on a mission that they had to wait for. 

Waiting wasn't their thing. 

A day after meeting up with Marion, the Nein already made plans to visit Yussa, who had confirmed he was available. 

_Hi, Yussa! It's been a while. How are you doing? We need to talk to you about a curse. We're dropping by tomorrow. See you!_

_I am currently indisposed. I will be back in a week._

"Such a waste of 25 words," Jester criticized, relaying Yussa's response. 

Caleb only nodded, rubbing at his beard. He'd kept it despite not needing to hide anymore. They'd mostly gotten rid of the powerful people who had been after him, mainly as collateral damage during the war, and now he was mostly free of the grasp of the people who had once has such a grip in his life. But Caleb still kept the necklace that kept anyone from scrying on him, and he still kept his hair long, beard full, out of habit. 

"I mean, we're not really in a hurry. We can wait for him," Veth intoned. And in a way where she's only ever sensitive to Caleb and Jester, asked, "Are you ok with that?" 

Jester shrugged, aware that she, and the others, were essentially helpless about this. "I have to be." 

"I mean have we even tried the simple spells? Dispel magic?" 

"I have." Jester lifted a hand to her temple, feeling no different from any other day, but knowing there were memories still absent. "I don't mind if someone else tries. Caduceus? And Caleb can try counterspell." 

Beau stood from her perch against the kitchen counter. "Woah, hang on. Is that safe?" 

"Yeah, won't we interfere with whatever curse there is? Isn't it unstable or something?" Fjord put in. 

"It'll be fine. They already tried it at the hospital. I just have a crazy hope that someone manages to break the curse before we resort to, I don't know, looking for a matching artifact in some dungeon that can reverse this thing." Jester shifted her hand so she could hit her temple with the base of her hand twice. 

Beau, who had taken to putting a respectable distance between her wife and her to keep her tendency to gravitate towards Jester, was suddenly behind the tiefling, hand preventing the second tap. Her hands then settle on Jester's shoulders, squeezing in the form of somewhat of a reprimand. Her hands started to slide away, but Jester catches one of them with one of hers, holding Beau there. 

They haven't talked, yet. So Beau was trying not to do casual forms of affection, while Jester was just trying to deal with a buzzing in her fingers to reach for Beau all the time. And as much as they've both matured in their relationship, Beau was trying to cope with a wife who doesn't remember how they touched, and Jester was trying to cope with the fact that she had a wife in the first place, and she did want to be near her all the time, but she couldn't remember anything. 

So they ended up in positions like this, in contact, but unsure. 

"I'd like it if you try," Jester reinforced. "Just so we could say we actually tried everything." 

Caleb leaned towards Caduceus the same time Beau started to move to pull away, so Jester turned halfway backward, just enough to catch Beau's eye. "Can you sit with me, please?" Jester kept her voice quiet. "Nothing's probably gonna happen, but-" 

"Hey," Beau plopped down on the empty chair beside her, scooching it closer. "Yeah, of course. All you have to do is ask." Beau offered her hand, feeling relieved that Jester took it. "You actually usually don't have to, but… I’m trying not to crowd you, you know?" 

"We'll- we'll talk. After." 

"Yeah, definitely." When Beau would have lifted Jester's hand to her lips, she now just gave it a reassuring squeeze, as Caduceus called out to both of them to try a few spells. 

Caduceus tried a few. The strongest he could cast dispel, the same as Jester's, and he tried to call on the Wildmother for help. Both failed, with Jester eyes actually glowing a sickly green, the curse holding fast. She sighed as she leaned sideward against Beau, reveling on the comfort of a slung arm around her shoulders, a hand running up and down her arm. 

Beau shifted her arm to settle on the chair behind Jester, her other hand still holding one of hers as Caduceus and Caleb switch places. Caleb tried counterspell, which had the same effect as what Caduceus tried, and a new dunamancy spell that required Jester to sit in the middle of circle. 

Nothing worked. 

Jester was expecting it, but she still pouted after, shuffling towards Beau so she could be sulk while she semi-cuddled into her. "Well. At least we tried." 

"At least we did. It honestly feels like something else is blocking the curse, Jester. Like how we couldn't remove Veth's curse." 

"But the caster is dead," Jester whined. 

"We'll bring him back if we have to," Fjord suggested. 

Beau immediately shook her head, pulling Jester reflexively closer. "No. Definitely not. We find another way." 

"Agreed. It's too risky." Caleb frowned, but then waved his hand. "There's not much we can do now. We can do some research, but that will be best done if we split up, to cover more bases." 

Veth made a face. "Books?" 

"Yes. Before we meet up with the experts on the subject." 

"All right, we'll…" She looked towards an already nodding Jester, someone who wouldn't normally want to spend much time in libraries. "We'll check out Cobalt Soul. I'm guessing you'll be checking the archives of Rexxentrum?" 

" _Ja_. I'll work with Essek. The rest of us…" 

"Jester and I will be tapping into our deities for help. We've a number of days to, ah, ask our questions. We're bound to narrow down our search for answers at least," Caduceus offered. 

"The rest of us will just wait, I guess. We can stay with you, Jessie," Veth offered. 

Jester smiled, but shook her head. "Beau and I will be all right. I'll check in with Yussa next week to ask when we can drop by." 

Plans made, the Nein parted with a tentative meet up the next week whenever Yussa would be available. 

  


* * *

  


"What if this is it?" 

"Hmm?" Beau looked up at her, distracted from what she was doing at the stove. She was a semi decent cook, and she had maybe a couple of dishes she could do that Jester liked, so they were eating lunch at home. 

"What if I don't get my memories back? We're pretty strong now, Beau, and our spells aren't working." Jester was frowning worriedly as she propped her head up with her hand, leaning over the table. 

"Some things are still stronger. And it might need something else to actually work." 

"But what if?" 

Beau turned, mindful of what she was preparing. "We don't usually think of ifs when we plan things, Jessie." She tried for a smirk, but knew it wasn't with her normal bluster. She watched Jester purse her lips in thought, struggling with her thoughts. Beau was about to turn back around, giving Jester the time to think things through, but Jester was already talking again. 

"I don't think I forgot everything." Beau whipped around, food forgotten, hope already starting to bloom in her chest. But seeing this, Jester shook her head, quick to correct herself. "No, I mean- Oh, this is so hard." 

Beau felt herself deflate, but tried very hard not to let it show. She still loved Jester, she did. Her feelings never changed. And if it came down to it, she'd still love her without all the memories. Of first kisses, first dates, first fights, their first everything. 

But she's been avoiding looking at Jester's eyes too long because she was afraid to not see the love she had once seen shining only for her in those purple eyes. 

She didn't know what to do with the thought that she was the only one in love in this house. 

"I don't remember falling in love." 

Beau ducked her head, unable to show this version of Jester her vulnerabilities. She was surprised how her eyes had started to water so fast. It's been days, and she hasn't cried once, yet. And despite knowing that this wasn't the Jester she'd pressed a good luck kiss to her cheek to before the battle for the Aedifico, her walls were already coming down fast. 

_Gods, she still has all of me,_ Beau thought ruefully, but with a small smile of surrender. 

Beau took a fortifying breath before looking up, hoping her eyes were dry. "I already said I have no expectations. I'm here for you. We were friends before we were anything else. I'll be here for as long as you want me here." Then she made a face. "But like. If you want me somewhere else, maybe give me a heads up. So I can find some place else to crash?" 

"No! Beau!" 

Beau had hoped to get a small laugh from her wife, but self-deprecating jokes were apparently ineffective both before and after the mind wipe. She watched Jester work her jaw instead, a tell tale sign that she was preparing herself to say something difficult, so Beau braced herself, ready for the worst. 

Especially in the earliest parts of the relationship, Beau had just waited for something to go wrong. She couldn't possibly be happy without consequence. She didn't know which gods she'd pleased that Jester had actually fallen in love with her, too. 

At the same time, Beau was stubborn. And she knew she wasn't ever going to be good enough for someone as beautiful and as kind as Jester. But she'd pledged to never stop trying be. And she could guarantee that there was no one else who would try as hard as she would to earn Jester's love. 

Jester was somehow her wife now. 

Jester took a breath, two, three. Then- "I… I don't remember falling in love, but…" Jester was the one to avert her eyes now, hands falling to her lap fingers fidgeting out of Beau's eyesight. "But I don't remember feeling this drawn to you before?" 

Beau laughed breathlessly, not daring to hope. She turned back around to go back to cooking. To hide. "Maybe it just feels familiar. We're at home." 

"No, Beau, you don't understand." 

No, Beau thought. She didn't. She thought she'd had everything, and now it felt like everything was just out of her reach. 

They were talking about having kids. 

_"Our daughter or son can't have an article in their name, love."_

_"My dad does."_

_"Jester."_

_"He's the gentleman. Wouldn't it be cool if you were known as_ the _expositor?"_

_A pause._

_"Don't bait me like this."_

Pained by memories only she had, she turned again. It seemed food wasn't their priority right now. "Then help me understand. I don't know what you're getting at." 

"I think I still love you. Like I remember it." 

Beau huffed, and this time, she couldn't really stop the tears from welling up. "Jessie," she pleaded. "That's not fair." 

And Jester recognized a pain inside her at seeing Beau like this, tearful, voice cracking. A phantom ache. From a memory forcibly blocked by a curse. But even the curse wasn't strong enough to make her forget that she didn't want to see Beau in pain. "I’m sorry. But-" Jester shook her head, before pushing herself up. "I do remember something. Or- or I think my mind does. Because I don't have _memories_ ," Jester tried to explain. "But I want to be near you _all the time_." 

Beau sighed at that, something inside of her flaring. But she really didn't want to hope. 

Jester stepped toward Beau a little. "I know it's hard to hear that I'm-" _a little broken_ "-I'm not all here, but Beau." Her eyes were also starting to well up. "I don't _want_ to be like this, either, ok? I don't have most of my memories starting from that time on the ship, apparently, and I don't like that. I have lapses and I see things I like and I don't remember where they're from, and we arrived at this house, and I don't remember when we picked it." 

This really wasn't helping, Beau thought, only meeting Jester's eyes because it looked like she's been holding on to this since visiting her mother. 

"And I look at you, and I don't remember a lot, Beau." 

Beau expelled a breath at that, dropped her head, let her tears fall. She violently swiped at them with a fisted hand, and was surprised when Jester's hand caught it before it went back down her side. 

"But I always feel like I’m home with you." 

_What?_

Beau slowly looked up, sure her eyes were red from trying not to cry the past several minutes, and now actually crying. 

"I don't remember when we first kissed, but my eyes are always drawn to your lips." Her eyes drop towards them now, and she has to take a moment to look back up at Beau. "I don't remember our first date, but my eyes gravitated towards that spot on the beach with the large tree." Beau took a shaky breath in, recognizing the description. "I don't remember picking our home, but I went into our room that first day here and noticed how the sun came in from the window and-" Jester choked on something, emotional, but apparently not remembering _why_. "And I saw how it brightened up you face. 

"I don't remember if we laid on the bed while we were trying to pick, and I noticed how the sun shown on you in the mornings, and if that's why I'd argued for this house. 

"So, I don't remember a lot, no." Jester took a step back, but didn't move too far away because Beau's hand had finally grasped hers, too, not allowing her to move out of touch. "But I do think I still love you. I just... I just need help figuring it out, ok? And I know it's going to be hard and I understand if you don't want to-" 

"Oh, love." Beau's pull was gentle, but it was easy enough to have her arms around the tiefling, Jester's own arms now tightly around Beau. 

And to Beau, the tight embrace that always, _always_ , knocks the breath out of her was familiar. To Jester, it wasn't, but there was a part of her that clung just as tightly. 

"I love you," Beau whispered against the side of Jester's head. And she still felt the pang of pain from whispering the words to someone who doesn't really remember the thousands of times she's already murmured them to her. But it didn't matter. "And I don't care." 

Jester pulled back, confused, but not moving out of the circle of Beau's arms. 

"I don't care if you don't remember. If you'll have me-" 

"I will," Jester blurted out, then blushed. "I don't think there's a part of me that wants to lose you, Beau. In any way." 

Beau gave a watery laugh. "Yeah. If you'll have me, then I'll- we'll just fall in love again. Why not?" 

"So let's go on a date!" 

"What?" Beau laughed, but she was already being pulled away from the stove, a blue hand rising to wave away the fire that had been burning. And she raised her eyebrows at the already packed picnic basket they arrived at by the door. 

"You already planned this?" 

"I was going to convince you to give me a chance. This- this version of me. Without all our memories." Jester's cool hand in hers went slack, giving her the chance to pull away. "I can only imagine how hard it is to be with someone who doesn't remember. It must be really hard." 

"Honestly, babe. I'm easy." 

Jester laughed. "I was prepared to convince you, ok? I had a list." 

"Jessie." Beau stopped their move forward, the basket already in Jester's hand. "This," she gestured to around them, trying to mean their entire situation. "-may be a little hard. But the alternative was losing you." She gave Jester's hand a squeeze. "I'd take whatever you were willing to give, friends, whatever, as long as you're safe." 

Jester scowled, unaccepting. "Nope. We'll get married again if that's what it takes to convince you that I still have feelings for you. Love feelings." 

Beau laughed, but she was feeling her lightest since the curse. 

"I'll just propose again." 

Beau raised her eyebrows. "What makes you think _you_ proposed?" 

"Did you?" 

Beau's eyes squinted. "Yeah." 

"After I did. Because you were probably, _probably_ being chicken." 

Beau rolled her eyes, but pulled at their joined hands again, stopping their progress forward. 

"Beau. We're never gonna get there." Jester looked back at her wife, exasperation clear in her face, but she was smiling. 

Beau gave their joined hands a squeeze, then lifted it. She kept her touch soft, unassuming, as she closed the distance between her lips and Jester's knuckles. 

"Oh," Jester breathed, feelings warmth spread from the lips she'd been trying not to stare at all the way to her toes. She was sure she was blushing, but Jester didn't really care. She felt that phantom ache again, but this time it didn't feel heavy, just settled. "Maybe we can kiss after the date. Or during. Or now?" 

Beau laughed, pressing a second kiss to Jester's hand before switching position so she was the one pulling Jester from their home. "Maybe." 

"Are you playing hard to get, Beau?" Jester turned coy, pulling at Beau's arm so it was around her shoulders. 

"Hmm. Nope. I told you." She tried to reach for the basket on the hand farther from her, and was surprised at how heavy it was. Jester laughed, pulling the basket away, and hip checking Beau. "I'm easy… What the hell do you have in there?" 

"You'll see! C'mon, c'mon!" 

  


* * *

  


They'd made their way towards the tree Jester eyes had somehow gravitated towards as soon as it was visible while they had been walking home that first day. It was still very early in the morning, and the cool breeze was a relief to them both after the moment they had at home.

Jester laid down a blanket on the sand, and coaxed Beau to sit in the middle while she took out what she'd packed. Turns out Jester packed 4 pomelo, which was the reason the basket had been heavy. 

"Why'd you bring four?" Beau asked laughing a little bit. 

"I sent a message to Caleb and he said you once finished seven in one sitting." 

"You asked Caleb?" 

"I didn't wanna mess up! What if our second first date pales horribly _compared to the first one?"_

__

__

"The first one was awesome because I was with you, so." 

Jester made a strangled sort of noise, cheeks turning purple. "Stop saying things like that If you don't want us to kiss too early in the date!" 

Beau only laughed in response. 

Then Jester suggested they make a game out of learning about each other. She'd ask Beau questions about her, and because Beau already knew Jester, Beau was also supposed to guess what Jester's answer was supposed to be. 

Beau ended up learning a few things about Jester. 

Jester learned a lot about Beau. 

Eventually they'd settled on their backs, deciding to just stay there until they ran out of shadow from underneath the tree as the day progressed. 

"You really don't care if I end up not remembering everything?" 

Beau took a moment before turning her head to look at Jester, who had chosen not to look at Beau as she asked the question. "What are you worried about?" 

"That you'd get tired. And frustrated. Aren't you?" 

Beau grinned. "I was tired and frustrated when you were pining after someone else, too. I was good at hiding it. But it never stopped me from loving you." Beau turned back up to look at the sky. "Just because it's hard doesn't mean it's not worth it." 

It was Jester's turn to look at Beau, and she watched the slight smile on her face. She looked content, happy, just lying there with Jester. Her eyes were closed, her breaths deep, and every few moments she'd shift her hand so the back of it was grazing the back of Jester's. Still so tentative, Jester thought, so respectful of Jester's space. 

So Jester shuffled a little bit on the blanket, pressed her entire arm against Beau's. "Maybe you should give me that first kiss now." 

Jester watched Beau's eyes slowly open, the small smile on her lips stretching into a full grin, and when she turned, Jester noticed the, by now, familiar gleam in her eyes. "I don't know. Are we at the end of our date?" 

Jester scrunched her face to show her disapproval at that answer. "Do you want to kiss me or not?" 

Beau laughed, Jester's familiar impatience warming her more than sun was doing. "All the time, Jessie." 

A pause. Then- 

"Well, then." 

And then Jester was rolling up, her upper body hovering over Beau's, propped up by her arm just beside Beau's head. She watched Beau take a deep inhale, smile only widening as Jester slowly pressed her lips against Beau's. 

Honestly. Just like their first. 

Beau not daring to cross friendship boundaries. Jester getting impatient at how careful Beau was being. It hadn't happened here, beneath their tree, just a few minutes from the their. It wasn't during the day. It wasn't with both of them completely well. But those lips were still the same soft and cool blue, and Jester was still the same lavender scent. 

When Jester pulled away slightly, Beau's deft hands were quick to settle on her jaw to keep her from moving too far away. "Maybe we should kiss again." 

"Yeah? Maybe?" It was Jester's turn to tease, smirking down at her monk. 

"No, no. I meant definitely." 

"You definitely said maybe, Beau." 

"Listen. You should kiss me again because…" 

Beau shrugged, and she grinned that lopsided grin she had that always pulled at Jester. She was sure, Jester was so sure, that even without the curse, the pull was the exact same feeling in her gut. 

"Because," Beau continued. "Why not?" 

Jester seemed to squirm slightly, struggling. And she huffed. "It took a lot out of me to _pull away_ , Beau. We're never gonna stop kissing this way." Her worse ended in a mutter as she began leaning in again, and then she was pressing her lips into a laughing Beau's lips again. 

They only stopped when they were almost completely out of the shadow of the tree. 

Beau still kept sneaking kisses in on their way back. 

  


* * *

  


"So you've given up on your memories?" 

"No," Jester denied, eyeing the stack of pastries on their table. 

Veth blinked. "Then what? Where's this dating thing coming from?" 

Jester shrugged, then settled for a blueberry muffin, pinching off a part and putting it in her mouth. "I have a lot of feelings and I don't wanna keep my distance while we work it out. It took us weeks to resolve your curse." 

"So your just horny." 

"I have _feelings_." 

"Right." 

Jester rolled her eyes, but then ducked her head, taking a moment to gather courage. "We don't know if we'll be able to lift it, the curse. Or how long it will take. And I see Beau in pain whenever she realizes I've forgotten something. And I feel like a- like a pang in my gut. I don't know how to explain it! It's a- a hollow feeling in my chest sometimes. When I see her hurting or when she's worried about me, or when I ask something I'm already supposed to know." 

She shook her head, dropped the barely eaten cupcake in front of her. "There's no way around a curse in place when we don't have the counter. I know that. You know that. And I don't like seeing Beau hurt. And I don't like feeling like I'm missing something. So I'm going to court Beau until- until we get to a point like where we were before. And then some." 

"Court?" Veth singsonged. 

"Court. Date. Whatever. You know what I mean. I want to show Beau that she's in love with someone who probably feels the same still. I just have to figure it out. And I already told her that I might need some help figuring it out." 

"And the kisses help," Veth added doubtfully. 

At that, Jester looked up at Veth again, her eyes turning dreamy. "Oh, yes. Yes, they definitely, _definitely_ do." 

"Help with what though?" 

"With _something_ ," Jester giggled. "Why are you asking all these anyway?" 

"Because I wanna make sure you know what you're doing. And I don't want to see you get hurt," Veth intoned, the maternal part of her that they rarely really see bleeding through. "And honestly, Jessie. I mean nothing by this, but for the first time, I'm actually a little--just a little!-- more worried for Beau." 

Jester frowned, and she seemed to visibly withdraw from the mere idea. "I'm _not_ going to hurt Beau." 

"You're not going to mean to. Whenever we've hurt each other we've never meant to. Most of the time at least." Veth picked a random pastry from their pile to start eating, too. "And you're both kind of little blind to each other's faults sometimes." 

Jester seemed to grow smaller. "I don't… If she'll have me, then I'll love her the way I know how. Right now. Even if I don't have all my memories." 

"Hey, we found something." 

They both looked up, Jester's eyes watery, Veth's worried. They saw Beau and Caleb entering coming from Yussa's personal library that they requested permission to use while he was away. 

Beau immediately chose the seat beside Jester, draping an arm behind her, dropping a kiss to her temple. "Should we wait for the others?" 

"We should. We'll discuss what we may be able to do while the experts we are able to tap are still unavailable. Waiting has never been our strong suit." Caleb sat across from them. "Ah. I suppose Caduceus isn't coming today." 

"Nope. Pastries for meals," Veth answered, eyes on the couple. 

Jester had slumped back and into Beau, and Beau immediately picked up that something was wrong. 

Jester pressed her forehead to the side of Beau's head. "Can you hug me? Like just, super fast. Seventeen seconds." Her voice was low so only Beau could hear. 

"Oddly specific. I can definitely do that, though." Beau wrapped both arms around Jester, not asking about what's wrong, knowing they were both of the idea that they didn't want others to know when they were down. They'll probably talk about it later. 

"So we'll stay the night, wait for the others tomorrow, and we'll discuss our plans," Caleb reiterated. "If that's ok?" 

Beau felt Jester nod against her. "Yeah, yeah. That's fine. The guestroom's ready. We'll order in for dinner so we have actual food in us." 

"What did you find?" Veth asked, turning towards Caleb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feelings this chapter. Then probably adventure in the next chapter. And some feelings because why not right? We're all here for the amnesia angst.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau has flashbacks of memories she still holds close to her heart that, currently, Jester doesn't share.
> 
> And she starts to doubt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long. I have a direction for this fic, but I hit a block because s t r e s s.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who sent their love! I love being a doctor, but it's just terrifying rn because of the pandemic.
> 
> As always, no beta, so I'll have to clean this up after 2 days. I just wanted to give you guys something since it's been a while. Sorry for mistakes!

It turns out Jester also had a list of arguments for the both of them sleeping in one bed. 

"We're both adults. And we're both mature. And we've slept on the same bed before. And we've changed in front of each other before." 

"Jester-" 

"Oddly enough, I think I have a very stark memory of your abs and back muscles. I think maybe I already had a crush on you before the ship…" Jester shook her head, cheeks purpling. "And we'll both sleep better on the bed. And you can't let me sleep alone in it because I'll feel bad that you're on the floor." 

"Jester." 

"And I really wanna cuddle?" 

Beau snapped her mouth shut. She was also blushing, but her lips were lifted in a smirk, because why was there a segue about her abs. "Ok." 

"Great!" 

And so they ended up sleeping together--literally just sleeping--the night after their second first date. 

Jester was lying awake now, the sun barely peaking through the horizon. She was warm beneath the sheets, lying close but not pressed against her bed mate. They must have drifted apart while asleep, because as much as Beau fought for trying to protect Jester's virtue, she'd held on just as much as Jester as soon as they were on their bed. 

Their marital bed. 

Jester felt her cheeks color, despite her thought being witnessed by no one. She scrunched her nose, because as much as she jokes about sex and relationships, being in one was making her feel how much less her experience was. Especially now. 

Nevertheless, she felt herself scoot the tiniest bit closer, still keeping the space in between them to not disturb Beau. The monk was prone, her head turned towards Jester, her hair a tangled mess. She was free of the frown lines perpetually on each of their friends' faces ever since the mind wipe. Jester sighed as her eyes traced over Beau's forehead, her nose, her cheeks, and the few scars that adorned her face, pre-Jester, she assumed. She remembered only the start of their friendship, but she wanted to believe she would have healed Beau often. Just thinking about her hurt made her insides twist in worry. 

Jester took a long breath, then exhaled slowly, moving her hand from underneath her head closer to Beau, so her pinky was brushing Beau's bare shoulder. She lifted her other hand and placed the tips of her fingers on her temple. She worried her bottom lip, pinky twitching closer as she took another deep breath. 

Maybe touching Beau will help. 

She then closed her eyes, drew on the power of the Traveler, and began the short spell. She felt the pull of magic being drawn from herself settled on her hand then to the tips of her fingers. She drew a quick breath in at the sudden cool sensation she very rarely felt against her temple. Then nothing. 

She sighed. She knew it was useless. She'd tried using Dispel Magic every morning since trying to cast sending despite not having the go signal to start using her powers yet. And every time she felt her magic being met by a solid wall of resistance. It made her think that maybe she actually still had her memories, that they were inside her head, but it was inside a currently impenetrable bubble. 

She slowly opened her to find sleepy blue ones trained on her, and she smiled, almost guilty. "Hi." 

Beau hummed in reply, closing her eyes once more and shifting slightly closer. "You're up early." 

Beau's voice was still raspy with sleep, and Jester acknowledged the low thrum of heat that sped through her body. "I… wanted to see how you look during the sunrise." 

"What the fuck." Jester felt herself grin as she watched Beau's cheeks darken further with a blush, shifting up and away from Jester, then pressed her face against her pillow, hiding her face. 

"Why are you hiding?" Jester laughed, placing a hand on Beau's shoulder to shake her. "I just said I wanted to see you. Don't deprive me of this, Beau." 

"Jesus." Beau's voice was muffled. Then she suddenly sprung up, using her arm as a lever, and she pressed a quick but firm kiss against Jester's smiling lips, that had the tiefling laughing as Beau pulled up and away from her. 

"You didn't even let me kiss back!" 

"I'm brushing my teeth. Then we'll kiss again." 

"What-" Jester scrambled up. "Then I'm brushing my teeth, too!" 

  


* * *

  


Jester couldn't remember Beau, so she also couldn’t remember everything that tied the group to Cobalt Soul. That was fine, Beau thought. Beau only considered that the one achievement in her life after leaving her parents that actually gave her purpose. She was glad she was in the another room when she'd called out to Jester if she wanted to go with her to Zadash to check out the archive there, and Jester had replied with- 

"Archive?" 

Her most important achievement. "Y-yeah. It's probably going to take the entire afternoon. Caleb's meeting me there." She stood from her hunched position, having bent down to grab the ring that signified her position in Cobalt Soul now. Not quite at the top, but higher than she'd ever hoped to achieve. She could still remember when she got it two years ago, a year into her relationship with Jester. 

_"What does the letter say?"_

_"It's whatever." Beau shrugged jerkily, kind of excited about the letter sent from the main branch of Cobalt Soul in Rexxentrum to the one in Zadash where they were. "Some nerd shit," she murmured, pressing her thumb and forefinger together to pinch the ring still inside the envelope._

_"Beau." Her tail flicked in anticipation as she stood, walking towards her girlfriend. "You were smiling really wide earlier and I know you tried to hide it, but I’m on the watch for them. The genuine ones. I love them a lot."_

_Beau reluctantly feels a smile spread her lips. "I smile sometimes."_

_"You smirk, mostly. It's hot. Don't distract me, expositor. I wanna know what's inside there."_

_Beau shrugged again, and in lieu of a response, handed the envelope to Jester._

_Jester made grabby hands when she saw that Beau was willing to share the news. She was quiet for a few seconds, then she was squealing and leaping into Beau's arms. Beau lifted a hand in apology to the few people who directed disapproving gazed at them at the noise. But there was no dampening Beau's happiness at her achievement, and having Jester to share it with._

_"Oh my gosh, Beau, this is awesome!"_

_"Yeah. It kind of is."_

_Jester pulled to cup Beau's cheeks, her eyes shining with exhilaration. And she said something Beau didn't know she ever needed to here. But. She did._

_"I’m really proud of you, Beau."_

I know you're not into libraries, but…" Beau started making her way to their bedroom. She found Jester in their room, settled in the little space by the window with the best light. She had a brush in hand, tongue sticking out as she finished probably some shading Beau wouldn't understand but would fully appreciate. She looked up at Beau after a few seconds, Jester's lips stretching into a smile as if on reflex. Like just seeing Beau made her happy. 

"Do you want me to go with you?" 

Beau leaned against their doorway, arms crossed. "I don't not want you there. But I know how you feel about libraries. And you can go and visit your mom." 

"And then we'll meet up after for a dinner date?" 

Beau smirked, the shadow of their situation fading a bit, but not entirely. "You asking me out?" 

"Well, someone has to, and if we leave it up to the lesbian-" 

"WOW. We're really going there." 

" _Did_ you ask me out first? For our first date?" 

_The confession was a little bit of a mess of a thing._

_Beau had been in love with Jester for months, and Jester was trying to put a label to the feeling she had whenever Beau was around, and Jester really wanted her around_ a lot.

_They've been fighting for ten minutes now, because the Gentleman had hired them for something that they didn't anticipate was going to be this dangerous. They're scouting mission had ended with almost half of them unconscious after the two fights they incited because they couldn’t stealth properly._

_So the alternative plan was to send Veth in with Jester who could cast Pass Without a Trace on both of them and keep them hidden, and if something went to shit, she could Dimension Door the two of them out.. And they only really needed information around the perimeter. The rest, guard composition, possible races, possible roles, patrols schedules, they already got from their first dangerous run._

_Beau was against Jester going, and it was the first time Beau wasn't trusting her with a mission. Watching Jester fall the day prior was probably the reason. It was the first in a long time, because as the tank, Beau usually went down the soonest for being in front of everybody._

_And Beau was fresh from losing someone she'd thought so competent and skilled that Beau never thought they'd die on a mission._

_Dairon had entrusted the trainees she had left behind to Beau._

_"Beau, why are you so against this? You've trusted me with tandem missions before. The rest of us are all ok with it!"_

_"It's too dangerous. We saw what happened yesterday and we were only met with raiding parties, not the entire troop inside. It's just too risky-"_

_"Beau."_

_"We'll find another way. Or we'll go back. Just give this shit up. We don't need he money. Let's just- just go and-"_

_"You're being unreasonable."_

_"Unreasonable? We almost died!"_

_"And we know to be more careful now! Beau." Jester sat back down, wanting this fight settled already, because it's been a while since they raised their voices at each other like this. She watched Beau walk back and forth their room, agitated. She was occasionally rubbing a hand over her face, running her fingers through her hair so her bun was now a mess. "What's really the problem?"_

_"The problem is that this is a stupid plan."_

_"Well, that's not valid. I'm going whether you like it or not."_

_"You can't."_

_"I can." Jester stood, brushing invisible lint from her skirt, hands steady, but her tail betraying her own tension as it flicked behind her. "Unless you give me a good reason I shouldn't-"_

_"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, OK?!"_

_Beau seemed to sag at those words, and she stalked towards her bed, sat down heavily, elbows settling on her knees, head braced in spread fingers. "I don't want you to go, because I saw you fall yesterday, and Caduceus was so far away from you, and it took us forever to get to you." Beau fisted her hands into her hair, pulled at it so the pricking at her eyes would go away. Then she sat up, eyes not dry, voice cracking. "I was paralyzed, Jester, ok? I just don't wanna go through that again and-_

_"And I know all of these feelings are mine, ok? They're my responsibility. And you're not required to really care about them, but just- just let me-"_

_But she was cut off by dark blue lips, hands on her cheeks, with the certainty Jester had never felt whenever she held on too long to a hug with Beau, or whenever Jester would find all the possible ways for their hands to brush, and she didn't know where the need for nearness came from._

_All the times her heart would drop, and despite not really feeling cold, her entire body would feel frozen whenever Beau caught a blow that was too strong, whenever she collapsed because she would take too many hits before either Jester or Caduceus could fire off their spells._

_And it must be this, then. Because, despite her inner turmoil, Jester felt like her brightest days in Nicodranas just hearing Beau say that she was in love with her._

_Jester ended up going on that mission, with a silly, inconsequential promise of a kiss that they were going to have a date when she got back. Beau had hugged her too tightly, terrified, and Jester hugged just as tightly, just as long._

Beau scowled. "…No." 

"Beau," Jester sang, grinning. She set her paintbrush down, hands coming up stained different colors, as she stretched her arms out, waiting for Beau to take her hands. Beau, of course, humors her. "Maybe I should let you have this one. We'll try again! You can ask me out instead." 

"WOW," Beau repeated, grinning now. "You're mocking me now. We both know it's because I thought I didn't deserve you." 

Jester frowned. "You're not allowed to say those words ever again," she declared. "So date night?" 

"Yeah, of course. And, um…" 

Jester tilted her head, and looked up at Beau in anticipation. 

"There's actually this banquet. Politics things. People are meant to schmooze. And I normally wouldn't go, but they usually ask me to attend as a senior Expositor who's also affiliated with the Might Nein." 

"We can't all go?" 

Beau snorted. "Yeah, no. There was a year we were all there and we were a mess. So they've limited it to the one who's kinda part of the Empire." 

Jester pulled her lips to the side in thought. "Ok…" 

Beau hurried to continue, pulling Jester closer as a means of grounding herself, but also to distract her from what Beau was saying. "Yeah, it's gonna be a whole thing. There's gonna be asshole rich people. And we'll have to dress up. And I'm gonna watch like-" Beau already has Jester's arms around herself so she lifts a hand to gesticulate wildly. "-like a hundred people fall in love with you in one night." 

"And you'll wear a suit?" 

Beau blinked. "Yeah?" 

"I'm sold. When is it. Where is it." 

"It might not be all that fun," Beau warned, arms settling around Jester, too. 

"You can't change my mind about a fancy date. I like dressing up. And we've probably gone to a few of these, right?" 

"Two, yeah. But like-" Beau shrugged, insecurity bleeding through, and its been a while since she felt uncomfortable around Jester. But this Jester didn't remember all the times they've been vulnerable around each other. And these dates… They were new. They've never had to get to know each other, because by the time Jester and Beau acknowledged their feelings, they practically knew everything there was to know about each other already. 

And Beau was back to feeling like Jester wouldn’t want to be with her if she knew all of her. Maybe Jester falling in love with her the first time was a fluke, like things had to happen a certain way and now- 

Granted, Beau was actually a lot less shitty now, she would like to think. 

"I mean it's a pretty big thing. And it's gonna be the first public event we go to where some people we meet are gonna know we're married. And I don't know if you're… ok… with that." 

Jester smiled, a little saddened by how Beau sometimes held herself, and she wondered if she'd done a good job as a partner to make her Beau feel less like that. "People knowing I'm married to you is the literal exact opposite of a problem. You're _so_ good, Beau." 

Beau grinned, softening underneath Jester's embrace. " _Literal_ opposite of a problem?" 

"Most people would have kissed me after a quip like that, but we're still-mmph!" Jester laughed against Beau's lips, letting herself be bent a little bit backwards. 

  


* * *

  


They put themselves in a bubble, Beau thought, as she raised a hand to adjust her tie. They've talked about going back underground to retrieve something else, something the first people who hired them missed. And from how their first trip there went, she was honestly not looking forward to it. 

"I told you that you could leave that tie home." 

"It's a formal event," Beau grumbled. 

"You should undo two buttons instead, expose more of that brown skin I love." 

"What the fuck, Jester," Beau laughed, looking away from the ornate looming doors through which they were to enter to join in the festivities, to look into the dancing purple eyes of her date. 

Jester grinned, tongue in between her teeth. "You taste _really_ good there, Beau." 

"Jesus." Beau started walking them closer to the door, because if they hung around any longer outside, she'd take Jester home instead. 

It already took Jester three applications of her lipstick before they got here. Beau's self-control was shot when it came to her. Stillness of Mind, her ass. 

Jester was still giggling when they crossed the threshold, and was met by the bright lights of the ballroom. It was grand. High ceiling with several chandeliers, ornate designs on the tiled floor, arched doors on both sides of the hall, complete with fancy ass tables with fancy ass napkins. 

Beau was immediately uncomfortable. 

"I get all your dances, ok? I'm definitely the jealous type." 

Beau laughed again, kind of glad that this part of Jester didn't really change. "It's funny that I'm hearing this twice from you. You let me dance with Yasha once, though." 

"Because I'm very sure of Yasha's honor, Beau. You're too pretty to leave alone." 

Beau grinned, squeezing the hand on her arm. "And you?" 

"I'm gorgeous." 

Beau laughed this time, quiet, in that little bubble they were keeping for the night and for a couple nights more. "You are." She stepped back, slid her arm away so Jester's hand was in hers now. "You in this beautiful dress, but especially your mind." 

Jester sidled up closer again so they were shoulder to shoulder as they were led to the table assigned for senior members of the Cobalt Soul. "Just those two?" 

"Don't fish. You know everything about you is beautiful." Beau pulled out a chair for Jester before one of the ushers could, and she sat down herself. 

"But which's your favorite?" 

_"So what's your favorite thing about me?"_

_Beau honestly couldn't focus all that much. They'd been making out and she was sure they were headed somewhere with a lot less clothes, but somehow she was on her back fully-clothed, and Jester was only in a tshirt and panties sitting straddling her hips. She didn't have a bra on and Beau's eyes kept drifting downward from her face._

_"You can't expect me to pick one. Ridiculous. I love everything about you." Beau sat up to capture Jester's lips in a heady kiss, and Jester allowed it because barring Jester's rolling hips, and Beau's hands firmly on her hips to guide her movements so she was grinding against Beau's abs, that declaration was actually sweet._

_But Jester pulled back eventually, because she really wanted to know. And she also really wanted them to have sex, but she was feeling emotional._

_Half a year together, and all that._

_"But just pick one."_

_"Pick what?"_

_Jester giggled, placing her hands on Beau's stomach, and she does a deliciously dirty grind down into her. "Your favorite, Beau! About me."_

_Beau groaned lowly in response. She's quiet, as Jester predicted, whenever they were intimate. So, Jester reveled in the soft sounds Beau made. "Honestly, I can't even think properly with you on top of me, babe."_

_Jester went back to slowly swaying side to side. "I'm just asking for one favorite thing about me."_

_Jester felt Beau's abs tighten underneath her fingers, and she felt an answering pulse right at her center, right before Beau flipped them so she was on top. Beau braced a beside Jester's head, the other keeping steady on her hips, before slowly grinding her leg in between Jester's legs in retaliation._

_Jester moaned. Because while Beau was quiet in bed, Jester was_ loud _._

_"I love everything no one else can see, Jessie. Your intelligence. Your wit. Your ability to ground people, make them feel valid, there." Beau dropped a kiss to her forehead, her temple, then her lips. "Your compassion." Beau drops way down to press a kiss to the left side of her chest._

_Jester giggled, even as her breath hitched. "That's my left boob."_

_"I meant your heart, but that, too," Beau grinned. "But for the sake of picking something physical, it's this freckle here."_

_"What? Oh…"_

_Beau felt fingers grasping at her shirt, keeping her in place, while she sucked on the said freckle just below Jester's jawline. "It's also something no one usually sees. And I love hearing you when I-" Beau laps at it, and Jester gasps, making Beau grin. She adjusts upward to look at Jester's eyes, pupils now blown wide. "That enough?"_

_Before Beau could go back to maybe sucking where that damned freckle was, Jester said, "I love the parts of you that you think are imperfections."_

_Beau paused, surprised, as she looks back at Jester again._

_"You call yourself abrasive, but that's just your value for truth, honesty. You say you don't like talking about feelings all that much, but that's only because you're so careful about hurting others. You think you're only good for physical fights, but that's your bravery whenever you jump in front of us to protect us._

_"And for the sake of picking something physical," Jester mocks, smiling, as she lifts a hand brushes against the scare that runs above Beau's left eyebrow down to the swell of her cheek. "It's this scar. Still an imperfection. But…" Jester reflips them back so she was on top again, straddling Beau. "Chicks dig scars, you know?"_

_Beau laughed, emotional, but also aroused, so she did the one thing she'd been wanting to do and leaned up to kiss Jester._

_Jester didn't stop her this time._

Beau rested her head as she looked at Jester, seeing the memory and knowing Jester doesn't have it. She smiled. "Just everything, to be honest." 

"That's cheating." 

Beau laughed. "No, it's not! I mean what's your favorite of mine?" 

"A lot," Jester answered sheepishly. 

"Ah. Double standards, Miss Lavorre?" 

"That's Mrs. Lavorre, to you." 

Beau smiled, but she looked away, not for the first time, thinking- 

_Is she still, though?_

Jester looked around at all the couples in the dance floor and grinned. "Dance before dinner, ok?" 

"You won't remember this, but I’m shit at this." 

"Impossible. You're a monk." 

Beau let herself be dragged to the dance floor anyway. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is a filler. Just treat it as like... the calm before the storm. Angst in the next chapter. With adventurey things.
> 
> Also, there was some close-to-smut things in this chapter. What are you opinions on smut? Yay or nay?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Might Nein go back into the tomb.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer to finish than anticipated. Real life is kicking my ass, friends.

Another pulsing heat swept over the large room, and instead of a physical pain, a piercing, ringing filled Jester's ears once again, bringing her to her knees. She only had enough mental faculties to notice that the rest of them were once again also incapacitated for a few seconds. 

"Fuck this," she muttered to herself. She and Caduceus had each sent off a mass healing each, and it wasn't doing them much since none of them could disable the trap. And on top of that- 

"We only have one shot at this!" 

They were risking letting someone else disarm the trap on the key itself, the key that they all hoped would be the solution to the curse on Jester, because Veth was preoccupied with trying to disengage the psychic trap pulsating through the room. 

While Caleb was on artifact release duty. It was timebound, as most heavily guarded artifacts were. He was the one closest to the largest of four pillars with a contraption made up of multiple gears and other mechanisms that was holding the key precariously in place above a, from what they couldn't see of the bottom, very deep circular pit in the middle of the room. There were two metallic ropes connecting each opposite pillar, holding up a thin plate where the key was held. From what Caleb could tell, if he could solve the puzzle that was the pillar, the plate with the key should carefully swing their way into the safety. Otherwise, all metallic ropes would disengage from the mechanisms holding them up, and the key would be lost to the pit. 

Caleb was already sweating, and he'd had to let go of the gear he was trying to move so he didn't pull it in the wrong direction as his body seized with the last psychic pulse. His side was burning from the hit he'd taken from the previous room, and the trap's effects were starting to take a toll on him. 

"Anytime now, Veth!" Caleb called out, placing damp hands on the gears again. 

"I'm trying, all right! The trap's fucking intricate!" 

"I need help moving these!" 

Yasha was already moving towards Caleb, while Beau stood a few feet away near Jester, staring fixatedly at the metallic plate that, in her mind, held Jester's memories of her. 

_She'll remember us again._

But as Caleb and Yasha were pulling a gear in place, another psychic pulse raced around the room, bringing almost all of them to their knees. Then there was a loud 'clunk' from the corner of the room where Veth was. 

"Got it!" 

But that last pulse was all it took. Caleb's hands had slid into the gears as he felt the excruciating pain inside his head, and it was only Yasha's quick reflexes that saved his hand. But saving his hand at the cost of reversing the winding of the gear. They all heard the four simultaneous clicks. 

Then the key was falling. 

Caleb was quick to raise a hand to attempt featherfall, but it only took a split second for him to realize it wasn't working on a powerful ancient artifact. 

Before Jester could even do anything, she already saw a blue streak run past her in her peripheral vision. And she saw Beau, almost in slow motion, muscles straining, eyes focused, blue garments flying wildly behind her as she moved, leap gracefully up, as Beau was wont to do. And then dive down the pit. 

"BEAU, NO!" 

  


* * *

  


_Two days before_

  


The Might Nein were meeting again to discuss what they knew and what they were going to be doing. 

"So what do we know?" Fjord was leaning on his forearms as she looked at the rest of them, eyebrows furrowed. 

"There's allegedly a key required in order to fully tap into the power of the Aedifico. The key itself is an artifact, almost as powerful as the Aedifico, and it's hidden behind a secret wall that we might have passed while trying to find the memory artifact." Caleb recited from memory what they'd gathered from their meeting with Yussa and the cursebreaker. "We weren't looking for it, so we didn't find it the first time around.". 

"Do we have a location?" Veth tried to picture the stone corridor they'd passed, but she couldn't remember any particular wall that would have stood out to her. 

"Mind crusher," Beau quoted from her notebook. "Why'd they have to translate it like that? It's probably a room that fucks up our heads or something." She was staring down at her notebook as if it held all the answers to all their problems. 

Jester had noticed that the closer they got to the meeting with Healer Shea, and therefore finding out more about Jester's condition, Beau became more and more absorbed in her notes. She was sure it wasn't the first time it happened, and by how Caleb was constantly checking on her, Jester thought maybe it was tendency for Beau to hyperfocus on details when things got complicated. 

So Jester had resorted to coaxing Beau to sleep when she could, and honestly it mostly worked. (Or it for sure worked after Jester declared that she was going to stay up with Beau, and Beau took pity on her when she started nodding off.) 

She rubbed at Beau's hunched back now, trying to offer comfort while the tension in their group heightened. "Maybe we should wait for the go signal from all parties. We don't even know if-" 

"Time lends permanence to the curse's effects, Jester," Caleb gently reminded. He was also more inclined to planning things meticulously, but upon hearing this piece of information from Yussa, he'd adjusted his mindset towards expediency more than care. 

Jester blinked. "I know." 

"But Jester thinks going in unprepared might lead to permanent death," Veth piped up in her usual patronizing tone. 

Caleb pursed his lips. "It will not be without risk." 

"Risk doesn’t really mean much for us," Fjord muttered. 

Beau shrugged, sitting up from her hunched form over her notes, dislodging Jester's hand that had crept up to her shoulder. "We've done more with less information," she agreed. 

"Then it's settled!" Veth turned towards the tiefling. "We'd go to the abyss for you so this is nothing!" 

  


* * *

  


_A few hours before_

  


"We didn't have to be here. But knowing us-" 

It was dark, and damp, and they were maybe a few hundred feet underground. They were back at the place where Jester had lost her memories, on a mission to retrieve a key piece apparently buried in the same area, but not the same room as the Aedifico. They hadn't exactly had time to look around the room the last time they were here, because first there was the cultist, and then there was trying to save Jester. 

Yussa's research into archives they didn't have access to had yielded more fruitful results than the ones Caleb and Beau could find in their own research. There was apparently a key piece buried separate from the actual artifact, and its sole purpose was to prevent anyone from using the Aedifico with ease. And from what little was written about it, the key was apparently 'big'. 

Even with apparent experts backing them now, contacts collected throughout the years of journey, they were still short of information, and it frustrating. 

And let it not be said that they sat around whenever they felt like there was something to do. 

Fjord grunted, raising a hand so Beau could help him get up. "At least Veth had already pre-disabled the traps." 

"Fuck!" 

"Not all of them," Beau muttered, making sure Fjord had a good foothold before turning back down to grab Jester's hand. "You known we could have only sent two of us." 

Caleb levitated past them, choosing to burn a spell instead of risking running out of stamina in the middle of the climb. "And it would have been you and who else?" 

"Maybe you." 

Caleb's eyes widened only incrementally, and he nodded in acceptance. " _Ja._ " 

"I'm the rogue!" Veth insisted. 

"Need a magic user to get through," Beau responded. She waved at Yasha that everyone was already safe to go on, so they could proceed forward. 

"And what about me?" Jester demanded. 

"Risk Caleb rather than you." 

"I will shoot you with my crossbow!" 

"You'll really leave your captain behind, huh." 

"This was inevitable." 

They all looked towards Caduceus, who was serenely looking forward, sending out a few spells to detect whatever was left since their last visit there. It gave all of them pause, because it was true. It was all of them or none of them whenever they went on their exploits. 

"I'll shoot you with my crossbow!" Veth reiterated. 

"Stay away from my wife, Veth!" 

"I forget how much I miss you all sometimes," Fjord muttered, walking up between Caleb and Beau. 

"The sea not keeping you happy?" 

"I'm happy at sea, Lionett." 

"It's Lavorre." 

Fjord laughed. "My bad." 

Beau scoffed. "You're the opposite of bad. You're too good." 

"Except when he thought he could get away with taking a prize from a god without releasing him." 

They looked towards Yasha, Beau's mouth opening in a shocked expression, but she was already starting to grin. "Damn, Yasha." 

"That was one time." 

"Conned a god. I’m actually quite proud." Beau tapped her chest to indicate she was touched. 

"Motherfucker." 

"I mean, once." 

Jester gasped. "Who?" 

"I'll tell it!" Veth was already pulling Jester forward again. Veth felt resistance at her pull, so she looked back to check on Jester. She rolled her eyes. "Jesus. It's a few feet." 

Beau only shrugged as she pulled away from pressing a kiss to the back of Jester's hand, intertwined with hers, before letting go of it. "Don't whinge just because Yeza's not here to flirt with." 

Jester giggled, pressing one, two, three kisses to Beau's cheek before following Veth forward, cheeks a little purple. 

"You're a lot more chummy now," Veth commented. 

Jester lifted both her shoulders in a shrug, held them there as she swayed a little. "Yup!" 

"Well, what happened?" 

Jester smiled, coy. "Stuff." 

"Company." 

They all froze at Caduceus murmur, ears twitching. Instinct had Veth raising an arm to stop Jester's forward movement. She looked sideward to meet Beau's eyes, and they both gave subtle nods. 

Stealths first. 

They'd actually gone on a short skirmish mission to check if Jester remembered all her skills. She did, to everyone's relief, but Beau also felt the pang of having been the only one Jester really forgot. But she thought, the more Jester remembered the better, and she treated it as a win. 

Beau felt the tap on her shoulder as she passed by her tiefling wife, and she felt herself settle at the familiar warmth seeping into her from the stark contrast of a cool hand. Blessing of the trickster, she thought, feeling herself become lighter on her feet. 

Closer now, and actually listening in, they all heard the arrhythmic grinding of something against the stone floor of the underground tomb they were in. 

_"Taking the Aedifico should have activated the key's guardians."_

Beau and Veth's eyes met, and Beau smirked, lifting a hand to trace a lightning bolt on her forehead. Wizard. Veth grinned, always a little tickled about the signs they've made over the years for each of them. Beau watched her hands move swiftly, and her lips move, presumably to mutter something to Caleb. 

A few seconds later, Frumpkin padded silently through Veth's legs and into the room. Caleb was probably blind behind them. Beau waited patiently, crouched, feeling the thump of her heart reverberate through her whole body, but her hands hold steady as she pressed it against the stone walls of the crypt. 

They only needed confirmation that there were at most two mechanized humanoids inside. Once they did, they would continue as planned. But if there were more than two, and Beau thought that was cheap for legends to lie about guardian numbers, they would have to adjust their plans to include possible sacrifices, namely the two tanks in their group. A surprise attack would mean almost nothing if there were five of them inside, for example. They already knew it took everything out of them to finish off one, especially because they were crippled by the robots' resistance to magic. 

Beau received a thumbs up from Veth, and nodded to herself, taking a deep breath, before throwing an explosive dart to the far side of the room and doing a jumping roll towards the opposite direction. She felt a slight wind woosh behind her and knew Veth was already Spider climbing the wall to settle on one of the ledged to hide and have better aim. 

She knew all projectile attacks will be exhausted before the rest of them come in, and Caleb was shooting her with a Haste spell before he brought up his giant ass cat paw out. Well oiled. Kind of, Beau thought, as she watched one of Fjord's Eldritch blasts miss, and Caduceus Sacred Flame fail entirely. 

But they were professionals. Sort of. And they'd definitely done more for less reward. And Jester was worth everything. 

  


* * *

  


Jester bit her lip as she pressed cool hands against Beau's side. Blood was still oozing from the 3 scratches there, having been hit deeper than Jester was comfortable with. Beau was lucky she was immune to poison. For magic resistant robots, they used magic abundantly to inflict more damage than their attacks really warranted. 

"I know my abs are great, but that's too much staring even for me," Beau quipped, smirk lifting the corner of her cut lip. She ignored the pain, mainly because she knew Jester's healing focused on the largest wound, but usually spread throughout her body to heal other smaller ones. 

Jester pursed her lips, and pressed harder than she needed to on the wound, causing Beau to wince. "I have great abs, too. You're not special." 

Beau laughed, and winced because she did, but she lifted a hand to pinch at Jester's cheek. "You really trying to be cute right now?" 

Jester tried for an answering smirk, but, as it has happened the past two weeks, her current feelings for Beau were almost getting amplified by the feelings her mind already had for the monk, ones the curse had been unable to partition off, and she honestly felt like she was exponentially more worried because of it. It was probably a side effect of the curse that instead of her feelings melding together, the walled off part of her seemed to react to everything that was happening separate to what she was currently feeling. 

It was a mess inside her head, and it was even more chaotic inside her chest, and honestly, watching Beau get swiped and almost go down made everything inside of her twist, and now she felt like crying. Again. 

Instead of letting herself cry, she focused all her attention on healing Beau. "What are you talking about? I'm cute all the time, Beau." 

Beau waited for Jester to pull her hands back, since healing usually only took a few seconds, but they stayed on her skin, and she tilted her head. "Jessie?" 

Jester sighed, and slid her hands from healed skin to around Beau so she was hugging her. "Sorry. I- I'm feeling that messy thing again." 

Beau sat up from her position on the ground so she could wrap her own arms around Jester. "Nothing to apologize for. After all this shit, we'll be able to fix that. Hopefully anyway." 

Jester pulled back, but not before dropping a kiss on Beau's shoulder, and making a face because her lips caught blood. "Ew." 

Beau grinned. "Sorry." 

Beau had been hyperfocused ever since they started planning. She was constantly researching and sometimes hardly talking to Jester. Jester asked Caleb about it, and apparently whenever they were faced with something they all couldn't figure out easily, Beau went into a state of overworking. And Jester was sure it was on top of worrying about her. 

Regrettably, Jester still didn't know Beau as well as Beau knew her. It wasn't possible, of course, to catch up with three years of friendship followed by four in a relationship in just a couple of weeks. But Jester was sometimes made acutely aware of how well Beau knew her, how she adjusted almost automatically to something she knew Jester needed done, or to a preference she had, while Jester was still fumbling with getting to know Beau. She was sure this was supposed to be easier, lighter on her chest the first time they did it. They probably slowly got to know each other through the years, willingly sharing parts of themselves to their friends. 

But the past two weeks were just Jester trying to catch up, and she always felt a little lacking whenever their eyes would meet, and Beau's would be filled with fondness Jester didn't think she deserved, but something inside her recognized. The mess of the emotions of her current self without memories, and the walled off bits from the curse were confusing her even more. 

And she knew Beau was confused, too. The longer they waited to go on this mission, the more time there was for Beau to doubt the entire process, and her. She knew it made Beau feel bad. The monk wore her heart on her sleeve, and even if she wanted to hide her feelings, her eyes were just too expressive. 

They'd tried to talk about it, especially after Beau was reminded that Jester had forgotten something important. The last time they had gone quiet, it wasn't even about something particularly big. 

But Jester was the kind of person who remembered the smallest things. People's favorite food, the names of the people she met that the others normally didn't think twice about, the names of their parents and kids, the most unexpected thing to make someone laugh. Jester was the kind of person who paid attention to the people around her, all because she cared. 

So Beau felt like Jester forgetting these little things actually took something away from the cleric. The first time Jester realized that she forgot something about Blud, something new, something she found out because Beau had asked the question, Jester felt disproportionately shattered. Because _remembering_ things about people was her thing. 

So they'd both brushed it off instead, because Jester didn't want to think about this version of herself that forgot people, and Beau was still trying to deny that she could barely remember the version of Jester from years ago because they've all changed so much. So this Jester… felt painfully unfamiliar. 

But Beau brushed all that off for now in favor of focusing on their mission. "We're so close to the key. We're all doing our best, but Jessie…" Beau reached out to squeeze Jester's wrist, attached to a hand that still brushed over the gash on her side. "I'll do everything in my power to get your memories back for you. Everything, ok?" 

Jester was well aware that that was exactly the kind of proclamation heroes always promised their damsels in distress, but instead of the giddy feeling she hoped they would elicit, she felt a hollowness in her heart that only inflated, until it was crushing almost everything else inside her. 

Because didn't that mean Beau was only entirely too willing to rid herself of her, the Jester who couldn't remember? Is she even the same person as the one Beau was fighting for? What would happen if they failed? What if they never got her memories back? 

Would Beau still love her? 

"Hey." Beau's voice came out soft, the way it was only with Jester. 

Jester didn't realize she was crying until Beau had cupped her cheek so her thumb could wipe away a tear. She sniffled, laughing humorlessly as she pulled away from Beau's touch, but immediately regretted the distance. "I'm sorry. I'm scared." 

"We'll be fine," Beau reassured, already moving, already recalibrating her attention towards the next room they had to face. Because that's how Beau had always been, task-oriented, especially when faced with physical fights. And most of the time, she lost sight of what was currently in front of her. 

She instinctively reached down to pull Jester up, and Jester let herself be righted, watching Beau's eyes track towards the large stone door at the end of the room that would lead to the next chamber. 

_You don't know that_ , Jester thought, hand tightening around Beau's for a split second before she let go. She stood in place as Beau threw a grin over her shoulder at her before jogging to study the entryway with Caleb. Jester ducked her head to stare at her hand, still able to feel the callouses in Beau's hand, the warmth that was so different from hers but was now familiar after a couple of weeks of getting to know her. She lifted her other hand to clasp her raised one, and pressed a thumb in the middle of her hand. 

Jester knew Beau had tried very hard to be patient with her, to look at her and see the entirety of her instead of seeing all the parts Beau missed. But Beau wasn't difficult to read. She wasn't the type of person who hid what she thought, so Jester felt even when Beau tried to be less transparent, her feelings were sometimes still as clear as day. 

And they didn't always reflect the lighthearted countenance Beau wanted Jester to see. 

"Jester?" 

She jerked her head up at the voice, and she hurriedly wiped away tears she really didn't want falling right before they faced whatever was in the next room. "Yasha. What is it?" 

Yasha simply looked at her, eyes soft. "Let's go sit while we wait." 

"Wait? I thought we were-" 

Yasha called out to the group. "Is it ok if we take a break before going forward? I took a bit of a hit." 

She didn't, Jester knew, because she was a cleric and she usually kept tabs on everyone's general state of health. She knew Yasha took a few hits, but she was pretty hardy. Jester probably needed to rest more than she did. 

And because Yasha rarely ever voiced what she needed, the group kind of murmured their ascent, settling in to take an hour to rest. Yasha eyes slid for a moment towards her monk friend, probably theorizing with Caleb at the far end of the room. She looked back at Jester, and jerked her head. "Come sit with me." 

Jester followed, feeling mopey. "I’m fine." 

"I'm not." 

Jester made a face. "You _are_." 

Yasha smiled, the perpetual dark circles under her eyes doing nothing to dampen the kind nature of this rather large creature. "Rest is never something to pass up." 

Jester was quiet as she settled beside the large hulking form of her barbarian friend, the largest and strongest of them, but somehow also the most gentle. It was easy for Jester to find comfort in her. Despite her messed up memories, she still remembered how unwavering Yasha, both physically and emotionally. She had lost the most out of all of the, but somehow, she was the least worried about caring about other people. "Thanks, Yash." 

They were quiet for a few minutes, only broken by their sniggers as they watched Beau and Veth scale the walls and falling on their backs as they failed to find purchase on the thin ridges on the top of the tall still closed entryway. 

After about half an hour, Yasha offered Jester a flower crown, which Jester didn't even realize Yasha was keeping busy with, preoccupied as she was with watching Beau and pretending to not watch her. Jester felt herself light up. "Yasha. Thank you!" 

Yasha smiled. "You're welcome." She'd once shared to Jester that she made sure not to run out of things to do with her hands as to keep her thoughts away from the darkest of her memories. She took out a few flowers from somewhere inside her pelts, a few of them understandably squished, and she started anew. "Jester?" 

Jester hummed, eyes focused upward as she tried to place the flower crown on her head, between her horns. 

"Beau only gets like this when she's worried about you." 

Jester froze, hands aloft, and she slowly brought them back down. "How do you mean?" 

Yasha looked up at Beau now seated with her legs crossed, facing Caleb who was doing the same, probably discussing possible encounters. "She focuses on things she can try to control. Like the mission, and fighting. And she forgets everything else around her until we start getting seriously hurt. Mostly she can do it because she believes in all of us, that we can handle ourselves in fights." Yasha looked down as she said this, remembering how Beau had instantly forgiven her despite almost killing her in the fight in the Cathedral. She'd plunged a sword straight through Beau's chest and the monk had only shrugged it off. Yasha was sure Beau had privately worked out her feelings about having a friend try and kill her, but she never blamed Yasha for it. 

"But sometimes it's because she forgets herself, too." Yasha stopped her ministrations to look up at Jester, who was looking sadly up at Yasha. "She forgets to take care of herself, because she's too focused on trying to save you." 

"There's nothing to save. I'm fine." Jester leaned backwards against the stonewall they were both sitting up against. "We're doing this for memories I've lost. But if we didn't come here, I would've been fine, too." 

"You don't wanna get them back?" Yasha's voice was surprised, understandably so. 

"Of course, I do! But it feels like Beau's been fighting to take back someone she might not get anymore. She isn't fighting for me, Yasha." Jester's voice was hushed, but urgent, and it cracked at the end of her words. "I feel like sometimes she looks at me and she wishes I was someone she isn't sure she'll ever get back." 

"Jester…" 

"I'm starting to fall in love with her again," Jester admitted, looking back down at her hands, traces of Beau's blood still in between her fingers. "How could I not?" She laughed at that, wet and a lot lighter than how she was feeling at the moment. Just remembering all their moments between finding out about her sequestered memories and now made her feel lighter, but the smile was gone before it could really fully form. "But I don't think she can learn to love this version of me." 

"Jester." Yasha shifted so she was facing her tiefling friend. "Have you talked to Beau about all this?" 

"I'm scared she'll say I'm right!" Jester whisper yelled, head flipping up emphatically to look at Yasha. But she seemed to remember herself, and she pulled back. "I'm sorry, I-" 

Yasha caught one of her hands that had started to fidget, trying to wipe away the dried blood on her hands. "Don't apologize." 

Jester wiped at tears she was starting to resent because she just couldn't stop them from falling. "I'm scared we'll fail and I'm never gonna get my memories back. And all Beau will be reminded of when she looks at me is the woman she wishes I still was." 

"Is that how you go to know Beau in the short time you've been together?" 

Jester sniffled, then shook her squeezing her eyes shut to stem the flow of tears. It was partially effective. "No, she's been really nice. But… but she sometimes gets this really melancholic look on her face, or sometimes she tries and reaches out for me but stops herself. She doesn't think I notice, but it's painful to watch, Yasha. I know all those getting to know her games we've done was fun, but I notice how her eyes get more and more sad." 

Yasha had noticed those looks, and she hadn't seen those on Beau since she and Jester had grown more stable as a couple. She wasn't one to lie to her friends, but she wasn't one to doubt them either. "Beau loves you, Jester. We all do. In whatever package you come in, and in whatever capacity you're at. You asked yourself how could you not fall in love with Beau again, but… I know you don't see it, but what's not to fall in love with you, either?" 

Jester looked up finally at that, eyes puffy and purpling a little from crying. "I'm a little fucked up right now, Yasha-" 

"Hey," Yasha admonished, sitting up from her reclined position against the wall. She was scowling now, and Jester found herself smiling at the indignation in Yasha's posture. "No. You're not." 

Jester slumped. "Ok." 

"No. Not ok. Jester, you're-" 

Yasha was interrupted by Fjord. "Guys, we're ready to go. Are you good?" His shoulders hunched when he caught sight of Jester. "Jessie." 

Jester hurriedly leaned forward to hug Yasha tightly with a murmured thanks, and she popped up also giving Fjord a hug because she needed another one. She muttered an apology at Fjord's grunt, but she pulled away quickly so she could touch over her eyes, releasing her lowest level healing spell to fix them, because she was vain ok and she wasn't ashamed to be. And she ran towards Beau so she could press a quick kiss to her cheek, smiling at the blush the darkened Beau's brown skin. 

They'll be fine, Jester thought. If they failed, then- then she'll cross that bridge when she gets there. For now she had to give their mission everything she's got. 

  


* * *

  


_Present_

Jester saw Beau jump into the pit, and she did the only thing she could really think to do. 

She followed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is going longer than I planned. But I needed to establish a few character psych things.
> 
> If you have any suggestions, I'm actually open to them. But I do have a rough idea of how to end this.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beau and Jester both fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always. No beta. :)) Please be kind to mistakes.
> 
> Thank you everyone for sticking with me! It's been a while since I finished a multichapter, but I love these two so much, and I love everyone who responds to my fics. So this last one's for all of my commenters. <3 All my love for you!

It lasted nine seconds. 

Longer than the realization that Beau was willing to jump to her death just to get her memories back. And less abrupt than the conclusion Jester drew as she followed Beau down. 

Beau would rather die than live in a world where Jester had forgotten who she was, replaced by a shell of a tiefling who talked and smiled and laughed like her. 

Jester tried to convince herself that the tears that had sprung to her eyes were from the cold, damp air rushing past her cheeks as she fell. She tried not to think about how similar the feeling was of falling down an unknown pit to her heart gracelessly breaking. 

She felt her stomach plummet immediately and she couldn't tell anymore if it was from her heart breaking or if it was from the abrupt shift from light plunging into sudden nothingness. In a split second she went from seeing all her closest friends to only seeing the image of Beau, falling steadily in front of her, just out of reach. 

"Beau!" 

She watched the monk's lithe form somehow fall just the tiniest bit faster than her. Well. Jester was flailing, terrified of dying, terrified of losing Beau, terrified of the idea that she was just about to lose something she was just starting to know, to understand. 

Jester was aware that she had been falling a lot faster than she was now before she even stepped off the edge. She didn't think she'd literally, literally have to fall to realize that maybe it was just her. Maybe she had been falling and after all the proclamations from her friends of a love that was meant to be between Beau and her, she'd mistakenly assumed Beau would also learn to fall in love with a broken Jester. 

But, Beau would rather jump off a cliff than stay with her. 

The stinging in her eyes was from the whipping of her hair around her face, the rush of cold, damp air as she fell. It wasn't, she decided, from the hollow feeling inside her chest caused by the proverbial and literal vision of Beau moving steadily away from her. 

Jester didn't wait too long. She didn't care about remembering anymore. Not after Veth and Beau were burned during their stealth through the first chamber. Not after Caduceus fell after the 2nd chamber. Not after Yasha, the steadiest of them, was knocked back in the last chamber. They were all hurt, and Jester couldn't help feeling like this all could have been avoided if she'd insisted they didn't have to go into it only partially prepared. She'd been selfish. 

Jester wouldn't be able to see it anymore, but Veth had shouted a warning for the rest not to follow knowing Jester always had a plan. Hopefully. 

Darkness started to swallow her as she fell deeper, and it was only with her dark vision that she could see Beau's feet hurtling downward and out of reach. Her vision had tunneled on Beau, and all she could hear was the pounding of her heart in her ears and the wind whistling past them. 

She deeper they fell, the darker it got, and she was starting to worry she wouldn't be able to reach Beau in time. She'd clipped her arms to her side to aid her descent, but she knew Beau did the same in order to follow the key down. The had a vague memory of hurtling down a large tree and being saved by Fjord, but the silliness of that time didn't even bleed to this moment. 

She felt her eyes dry at the speed she was falling, but tears were collecting at the corners of her eyes. She would have been glad to let go of the key if it meant keeping all of them safe. She would have been ok with having a curse permanently set on her mind. She would have been fine trying to relearn everything about Beau, everything she'd forgotten about the rest of her friends for years if she had to. 

She would give anything right now to turn back time and not have to watch Beau jump recklessly into a pit that could kill her. All so she could get back Jester's memories. 

So she could get back the woman she'd married. 

So she could be rid of the version of Jester who sometimes faked a smile whenever the Mighty Nein mentioned something from their adventures that she forgot. 

Jester felt like she would never be good enough for Beau in her current state. 

Jester clenched her jaw to fight against more tears leaking through her eyes. And she hoped against all hope that when they exit this tomb, there wouldn't be anything else to fight. She burned the last of her high level spells concentrating on the image of a flailing Beau in front of her, and the bright pink light of her magic enveloped her, appearing right beside Beau. 

"Jester!" 

"Beau, forget about the key, ok?!" 

"But it's the only way to get you back!" 

There was no time to unpack that comment, Jester thought, feeling the sharp pain in her chest but choosing to ignore Beau in favor of straining against the limits of her powers to conjure another dimension door so close to casting the last one. It took longer, and she had to pray desperately to the traveler to please stretch her magic a little bit more, to get them out of here. She roughly wrapped her arms tightly around Beau, unconsciously wrapped her tail around the two of them, and closed her eyes, missing the quick flash of pink magic, bordered by the warm forest green of the traveler's, the swirls of colors expanding from a pinpoint bright light. 

In her preoccupation, she missed the dimmer, quicker flash of _something_ before they both disappeared from the darkness. 

They'd fallen almost too deeply for Jester to bring them up across of the lip of the pit. And it was only dumb luck that the dimension door had opened right where Yasha and Caleb were standing. Caleb had quickly cast feather fall, this time his spell quickly holding them in place, then Yasha grabbed them easily off the lip of the pit, about to hurtle downwards a second time. 

"Gods, Beauregard," Caleb muttered shakily, only partially helping Yasha pull the two of them far away from the edge. His hand closed tightly on her shoulder, but quickly released in favor of letting Caduceus hover over them both. 

Jester felt like all the energy had been sapped out of her. She moved away from Beau so Caduceus could examine her and she smiled weakly at him, limbs still cold and clammy from hurtling to her death. She closed her eyes when Caduceus placed a calming hand on her forehead, thumb soothingly running over her sweaty skin. 

"You're ok, Jester." 

For some reason, that just made Jester's smile become shakier, and more tears leaked from the corners of her eyes. "Thanks, Cad." She felt the warmth that was his healing power spread from the touch of his hand on the top of her head downward. When she opened her eyes again, Veth was already holding on to one of her hands, while sat on her other side, unsure how to help her. She smiled at him, simultaneously giving Veth's hand a squeeze. 

"I got it." 

They all heard the quiet murmur despite the commotion of post-near-plummeting-to-death-experience. They all turned to Beau, wonder in her eyes, and then their eyes shifted to what she had clutched on to while Jester broke through dimensions trying to save both of them. 

The victory exclamations were muted, owing to the fact that the rest of them just watched two of their members almost die, one of them jumping willingly, and the other with maybe a plan. But neither Beau nor Jester paid it any attention. Beau was looking at the key as if it had all the answers to all of their problems. Jester was trying to keep a smile on her face. 

"Jester? You ok? Are you hurt?" Beau asked, lips pulling up in what Jester guessed was supposed to be a smile, but ended up a grimace, guilt clear in her voice. 

For some reason, that was what broke Jester. 

She grit her teeth as her head snapped towards Beau, and she was only vaguely aware of Veth pulling away cautiously. Caduceus mindfully gave Jester a quick tap on her knee before retreating. He moved away, too, because it was wise to keep away of the line of fire of Jester's wrath. They'd so rarely seen it, but they were all terrified of her. 

"I had to jump after my idiot wife into a fucking pit, Beau, how do you think I feel?" 

"Jessie-" 

Jester was already trying to push herself up, not really willing to hear anything from anyone. She wobbled on her feet, and she raised a hand to stop Beau's attempt to help her. She felt woozy. Jester was aware of how much more powerful she was. She couldn't remember gaining all her skills, but she felt it in the greater swell of light she felt flowing from the Traveller. But it still took a lot from her to channel. 

She directed a parting glare towards Beau before murmuring to the others that they should probably go. 

"Well, let's go back and try and fix me." 

  


* * *

  


The trip back was quiet, awkward. The Mighty Nein were a brash, loud, unruly bunch, but they knew when to give each other space. And right now, Jester was simmering after having followed Beau into the pit, and Beau was fidgeting, trying to get her to talk. The rest of the friends hung back, easily, because Jester had set a rather brisk pace in front of the group, and only Veth was speeding in front, double checking for untriggered traps. Veth was selectively careful only for Caleb and Jester, and because Jester wanted some space, Veth was going to accommodate her by going ahead faster. 

"Jester." 

Jester felt her jaw clench involuntarily. She wasn't a stranger to anger, but she was overwhelmed by the fire inside of her, and the instinctive, almost automatic sense of overprotectiveness inevitably tied to a part of her that knew Beau but she couldn't remember. Memories of previous near-death, probably Beau-induced danger to her own life that Jester couldn't remember, but could inexplicably feel were stoking the fire that was her worry and her fear and because she didn't want to feel either right now, she focused on being angry. 

So, Jester grit her teeth, her tail agitatedly flicking behind her. "What?" 

Jester couldn't see, but Beau visibly flinched, causing her to uncharacteristically stumble. She had to jog a bit to catch up, but slowed when she was a few paces away again. She opened her mouth to start trying to make her case, but realized she didn't know what she was going to say exactly. 

I'm sorry for possibly jumping to my death? 

I'm sorry for worrying you by doing so? 

I'm sorry for not thinking about the consequences of going into an endless pit? 

Shit. Beau felt her shoulders slump, and she looked backwards to maybe ask for some kind of clue. She watched Caleb and Fjord look away, Yasha wasn't even looking at her, which left Caduceus who only smiled serenely as if nothing was wrong in the world. 

Fucking... She rolled her eyes, and realized she had to jog a few more feet again to catch up. "Babe..." 

Beau didn't get any other sign that Jester was listening apart from her jaw working and her tail kind of tensing behind her, before starting to flick agitatedly. "Jester… I'm sorry." 

Jester suddenly stopped walking, and not visible to them, the other four behind them also stopped, not wanting to intrude, and trying their hardest to pretend they weren't there. Jester eyed Beau's contrite expression, scowling. "For what?" 

"For wha-? I-" Beau floundered, always at her clumsiest when Jester was angry with her, as if just the fact that they weren't in tune rendered her out of balance. She chanced a look behind her again, trying to ask for clues from her _friends_ , but they were all steadfastly ignoring her gaze, not wanting to be caught in the middle. _These little shits…_

She heard Jester huff and start to walk again and she hurried to catch up. "Wait! I- I'm sorry for jumping. I shouldn't have-" 

"No, you shouldn't have." 

"Right." Beau's voice was small, but she powered through. "I shouldn't have. But we couldn’t lose the key." 

"And I can't lose you." 

Beau heard Jester's voice crack as she answered, and she felt her heart swell at the love she knew Jester felt from her unsequestered emotions separated from the memories attached to them, but her heart also plummeted at the clear sign of tears. "Jester…" 

"Hold my hand," Jester demanded, holding out her hand. 

Beau was taken aback, but her own raising and connecting with Jester's extended one was almost Pavlovian. _I'm really mad at you, but I almost lost you_ , Beau interpreted, giving Jester's hand a squeeze. 

Beau was too distracted to process that Jester had extended a gesture that only pre-mindwipe Jester insisted on doing. 

_"Hold hands while we're angry?" Beau repeated, dubious._

_"So, we talk it out."_

_"We talk it out anyway."_

_Jester pursed her lips. "You went out all night last night, Beau, and I didn't know where you were."_

_"I said I was sorry!"_

_"Well, next time we fight, hold my hand and tell me you need space to think or process or meditate before you leave! Don't leave me worried at home!" Jester seemed to curl into herself as she slumped. "Even if we fight and it's my fault, I don't deserve that, ok?"_

_Beau shuffled closer, choosing ducking her head a little so she could meet her eyes, but still careful not to touch her in case Jester didn't want that, yet. She noticed her tail twitch closer, and one of Jester's hands settled palm up in her lap. Beau slowly slid her own hand to Jester's, felt her tail wrap loosely around her arm._

_"You know I would have come back eventually," Beau gently reminded, thumb running over Jester's knuckles._

_"I don't know that, Beau."_

_"What? Jester, of course, I would. You don't think I'd just leave?" Beau frowned, still trying to catch her eyes._

_"My dad did. And my mama's the best person I know."_

_They were nearly a year into their relationship, and it was their biggest fight, yet. The first one that made them both consider that they might have irreconcilable differences. They'd talked it out the morning after when Beau came back, after they had both cried a bucket load trying to make the other understand where they were coming from._

_It was only when they were calming down that Jester revealed that it wasn't just the fight that she was worried about. Beau found out that day that Jester was scared of ending up like her mom, alone and still grieving a love lost years ago._

_Beau had been consistently staying after fights since then, not that they'd had a lot of them. But it didn't matter how big or small. Their hands would clasp, and either or both could be seething in anger, or angrily crying. But they both admitted that the contact was grounding._

_They haven't yet spent a night apart angry since then._

And apparently, with or without her memories from the last seven years, Jester still had the same fear. 

They all agreed to meet up at the Lavorres the next day, agreeing that it was too late in the day to visit Yussa in his tower. For the mean time, Caleb was holding on to the key, and the rest have decided to sleep at one of the smaller inns, not wanting to encroach on couple's space that night. 

Which was just as well. They were both quiet, and if it weren't for their interwoven fingers, they would be stubbornly walking on opposite ends of the group. But Jester had waved goodbye to their friends with their clasped hands, and Beau received an encouraging smile from Yasha before they all retired for the night. 

Jester deposited Beau on a couch before making her way to the bathroom to get the healer's kit she always stored there. She came back to Beau, who was trying not to wince as she sat up from her sprawled position on the couch. She'd told Jester before that she could wait the morning after their missions so Jester could heal her, but Jester was insistent on lessening the pain of the injuries overnight. They both knew it was Jester carrying the responsibility of being the team healer, and feeling guilty about not being able to fully heal the one member of the Mighty Nein she most wanted to keep from harm. 

"I'm sorry," Beau said, repeating her earlier sentiments, but now in the privacy of their home. 

Jester paused, arms extended towards the gash on Beau's side, hands holding up a bandage over it. "I know," she whispered, shoulders visibly falling. 

They were quiet again, the only sounds permeating their home the crickets from outside, the rustling of cloth, packages being torn open. Beau didn't try again until Jester was cleaning up, hands that had been steady against Beau's brown skin, broken by gashes of drying blood and freshly healed skin, were now shaky. 

"Hey," Beau prompted, hand gentle on Jester's wrist to keep her in place. 

Jester pursed her lips, eyes blinking rapidly, apparently still off-balance from… possibly dying just a few hours before, probably. Beau waited while Jester settled down beside her, hands tense around the healer's kit. 

"What's really going on, Jessie?" 

"Why did you jump, Beau?" 

Beau frowned. "You know why-" 

"What if you died?" Jester interjected, before Beau even finished. "And I got all my memories back for some reason, because we found another way? You'd let me live through that?" 

"I was trying to save the key! I didn't think!" 

"No, you didn't!" Jester emphasized her words with the clang of the healer's kit beside her. 

"Losing your memories broke you!" 

Jester could remember the times she'd been hit in the stomach by all sorts of weapons. She'd passed out from some of them. This… this was worse. 

"I- I didn't mean it like that," Beau fumbled, deflating. "Jester-" 

"I know I am." Jester looked up at Beau with a tired, melancholic smile, remembering the last two weeks when she'd tried as hard as she could to learn as much as she can about Beau and the others. She felt too heavy, too guilty about forgetting about the most important people in her life. She was living with a wife she couldn’t remember pledging herself to, and Jester spent the past few weeks trying to make up for it. 

And with all the memories she had and those she had lost, Jester honestly forgot herself in the mess. 

"You're not! Jester-" Beau turned fully in her seat so she was facing Jester, and she hand shot out to squeeze Jester's. And it was limp, in her grasp, powerless in Jester's lap. "Jessie…" 

"I was so scared you wouldn't learn to love me like this," Jester admitted in a quiet broken voice, lips still stretched in that ghost of a smile. "It was so easy to fall in love with you, Beau. It's only been two weeks, and it's all very new to me. _Just_ me." 

"And I know you think- you feel like you've loved me for longer, that you love me _better_ , that you definitely would go through more for me, but I feel _something_ , too, Beau. And it's _big_." Jester pressed a hand to her sternum, fingers flat, then curling as if something was hurting her. "And it never goes away. It's like a humming, a constant thrum. It gets louder the longer we're apart, and it quiets when you're in the room. And it- it expands. When we touch. And letting go feels like it'll shrink until it hurts. 

Jester thought she would start sobbing when they finally talked, but her voice was unusually steady, only wavering slightly. But her tears were an endless stream, and she let them fall, knowing new ones would replace the previous immediately. 

Jester shook her head, smile still in place, because she knew this was going to make Beau feel guilty, and Jester was nothing but selfless, always putting others first before herself. So she tried to soften her words with a smile. "And I know you loved _her_ , the me before, with all her memories. But I thought I could maybe convince you that even without them I'm still worth loving." 

"You are! Of course, you are." Beau shifted so she was kneeling in front of her, close but not touching, not knowing if she was still allowed to touch the tiefling. "I love you, memories or no." 

"Then why did you jump?" 

Beau felt the sting of tears behind her eyes, and she abruptly stood from being crouched, then started to pace. 

"I'm sorry, ok? I'm sorry for jumping. But I was also scared. Jester…" Beau settled on the ledge of their window seat, elbows resting heavily on her knees. She held the sides of her head, exhaling shakily. "When I watched you wake up that first day, and I didn't see you look at me the same way you did before we went into that fucking tomb, it broke me." 

"Beau." 

"I just- just didn't know if I was losing you. It took a while for us to get here, you know? We've been through so much. And- and I know you're still here, but I-" Beau ran her hands over her face. "I already had _all_ of you. 

"I didn't know if you falling in love with me the first time was a fluke. I didn't know if you would fall in love with me again. I'm- Shit, Jester. You're _you_. You're everything. And I'm always going to be playing catch up, trying to- to earn this life." Beau shrugged. "What my life-" 

"That's _incredibly stupid_ , Beauregard Lionett." 

Beau shrunk back, slumping against the window, but she recognized the light tone of Jester's voice, so instead of feeling worse, she turned pouty. "It's Lavorre," she mumbled. 

"Don't jump recklessly into a pit again." 

"Don't ever think I love you any less than I did before you lost your memories," Beau countered. 

"But don't you?" Jester asked, voice small. 

Beau was in front of her in seconds, on her knees again, pushing through all her insecurities to be there for Jester. It was just a bad string of incidences, she thought. And really her jumping into a pit recklessly was classic Beau behavior. It was just probably the last straw for Jester who's had doubts for days. 

"There is no with or without memories, Jester. In my mind, there isn't two versions of you. There's just you, and- and I know jumping was stupid, but honestly, I'd do anything for you. _Because_ I love you." She cupped Jester's cheeks, finally attempting to brush away the tears that were slowly making their way down still. "I'm sorry I somehow made you feel like I didn't." 

Beau grunted when Jester suddenly pulled her in for a tight hug, pressing her face against Beau's neck, still sticky with dried sweat and blood. "I hope we're better communicators as a couple seven years into this." 

Laughing, the monk, wrapped her own arms around Jester. "We are. Just me being overprotective might have, I don't know, made me more quiet." She pressed a kiss to Jester's temple. "I do love you, ok?" 

Beau felt cool lips press against her neck, then to a particular spot underneath her jaw that Jester knew kind of turned her spine to liquid. 

"You-?" 

"Yeah. Just… slowly, I think." 

  


* * *

  


The light was blinding. 

They watched the key levitate high above their heads, the Aedifico also slowly rising. A gold brilliant light surrounded both of them, then they gravitated, the light just getting brighter and brighter. 

Then a sharp beam of light burst forth from the union of the two artifacts, tracing a line down towards the ground and the other towards the sky. Two projectiles were then flung far and high, to distances they couldn't see, separately, in speeds they couldn't even hope to follow. 

And then there was nothing left. 

"What the fuck," Veth muttered. 

Yussa, Essek and Caleb had different degrees of confusion on their faces. Yasha was looking out at the direction of where the light had disappeared. Fjord was looking expectantly at the wizards for an explanation. And Caduceus was smiling serenely, like always. 

"It's done, huh?" Caduceus intoned, nodding as if everything was fine. 

"What the fuck." It was Fjord this time. 

Jester was still looking up above her head, at the point where the two artifacts had joined, face still shaped in wonder. 

"Jester." 

She snapped her gaze down meeting Beau's blue eyes, soft with her love for Jester, and she smiled slowly. "Home?" 

Beau's smile widened, nodding slightly. She raised a hand to offer to Jester, and she seemed to soften when Jester placed her hand in hers. "Yeah. Yeah, let's go home." 

"Pardon me," Caleb murmured. "But I must also say, what the fuck." 

Beau met Yasha's eyes above Jester's shoulders as they hugged, and gave Yash a reassuring smile. Yasha probably didn't know what was happening, but she smiled anyway, happy because her friends were settled once more. 

Yussa blinked several times, eyeing the couple, before tilting his head to the side a little bit in thought. "Your memories have started to restore themselves." 

Jester didn't pull away from Beau, only shifting slightly from having her head tucked underneath Beau's chin, so she could look at their strongest wizard friend. "Hm-hmm." 

Yussa started nodding slowly. "Yes, yes. I suppose we mistranslated the scriptures about the artifacts activating. 'At touch, bringing union', was it?." 

Caleb was suddenly turning red. "Pardon me," he repeated, voice a little gargled. "Touch?" 

"Oh!" 

"Veth-" Fjord warned, also looking a little darker beneath his green cheeks. 

"You mean she regained her memories when they had sex!" Veth looked delighted at the idea. "I can't believe all you had to do was have sex!" 

"Jesus," Fjord muttered, hiding his still darkening cheeks with a raised hand to cover himself. 

"No, no-" Yussa tried to correct, shaking a calm hand, but his own cheeks were starting to rouge. 

"Well, I mean, we _did_ ," Jester corrected Yussa, tickled pink at what was happening to the conversation. "But if it's sex, I should have ALL my memories by now, because we did a lo-" 

"Ok, baby, that's probably enough," Beau interjected, laughing, taking pity on her wizard friend who looked like he was turning into a tomato. "Essek, help Caleb out, c'mon." 

"But it's fascinating. I've never seen him so red," Essek observed, even as he also blushed. 

Jester's face turned contemplative at Yussa words, nonetheless, hands sliding precariously lower Beau's back. "Is that really what will restore my memories?" 

"No! I meant you probably touched the key, and the half-finished curse inside of you-" 

"An impending orgasm," Veth cackled. "Ow!" Beau saw Veth stagger sideward maybe five steps, probably from a light hit from Yasha behind her. 

"-was finally completed." Yussa continued, as if he wasn't interrupted. "Perhaps, we've overthought the complexity of these ancient artifacts. Powerful as they may be, they've been founded in the most basic of magics." 

"Like love?" Jester swooned, tucking herself even more into Beau, as if that awas still possible pressed up together as they were. 

"Like love-making," Veth whisper-yelled, uselessly holding up a hand to prevent Yasha from hearing. 

That was followed by a beat of silence. Then- 

"Veth!" 

"Love-making!" 

"I mean some of it was actually pretty rough." 

"That's- that's the purest power, isn't it? Yeah." 

"Jesus." 

All in the background of a hacking sound. 

  


* * *

  


"Maybe we should go on a trip." 

Her words were met with silence, but she waited patiently. Jester pressed her ear towards Beau's chest, her favorite spot after near-death-experiences. Their legs were tangled, and she was pressed flush to her wife, one of her hands tangled with one of Beau's on her chest, and her tail was loosely wrapped around one of Beau's ankles. She was just starting to drift off to sleep, already forgetting that she had suggested something, when Beau answered. 

"We took a pretty long break because of the mindwipe thing, Jessie." 

Jester hummed. "It was pretty trying for a break." 

Beau laughed, and Jester smiled at the soft rumble underneath her head from the sound. "Well, I mean. You have like a thousand commissions to finish. One of them's for a duke, right? A proposal painting or something." 

"Yeah," Jester mused. "But Yussa said memories will come back faster if I have triggers. Like if I see something or smell something or taste… hmmm. That's why I remembered all of you first." 

Beau laughed loudly, slapping a hand lightly on Jester's butt. She barked out a laugh again, when Jester gave her a suggestive look, wiggling her butt against the hand. "Well, we're not going back to the Laughing Hand's tomb for you to remember that memory again." 

Jester laughed, lifting her head up to lever herself over Beau. "Well, of course not!" Just the mention of the monster they fought made the not uncomfortable flood of memories flow into her mind, thankfully without the emotions that came with them. "Oh," Jester breathed, as she always did when she remembered something. 

Beau pulled her back to press her back against her chest, knowing it wasn't painful, but it wasn't a pleasant experience, either, remembering bits of the previous seven years of her life. "Take a deep breath, baby." 

Jester sighed, waiting for the memories to stop, shuffling herself higher so her eyes were pressed to Beau's neck. Decreasing the amount of stimulus she got helped, but touch was something Jester wasn't willing to let go of. "I kinda hate this," Jester sulked, body finally relaxing against Beau's again. 

"Then we're not in a rush," Beau reassured, running a hand down Jester's back. 

"I mean you were _pretty_ eager to jump into that bottomless pit- Ah! Beau!" Jester started giggling as Beau's nimble fingers were suddenly on her sides, effectively dodging Jester's attempts at trying to hold her down. But Jester was stronger and she only needed a very small window to catch Beau's hand, which she got by pressing a kiss just below Beau's jaw. 

"Cheater," Beau breathlessly intoned, eyes darkening at having Jester successfully subdue her by holding her arms above her head. She felt the beginnings of arousal thread their way from their points of contact toward her core, but she was still more taken by the way Jester's lips were stretched in a genuine smile, and the familiar affection in her face whenever she looked at Beau. It was one of the first ones Jester relearned, looking at Beau like she was her entire world. "You trying to start something, Lavorre?" 

"Are you gonna stop me?" 

"Never." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished this for Emergency Beaujester week! I hope it's ok. I'll probably maybe write an epilogue separate to this? With Jester remembering things because that has the possibility of being kinda cute.
> 
> PS Who can guess who said what in that last M9 interaction :D


End file.
